Sunday, July 20, 2008

I Am So Selfish

I have been talking with my parents the last few weeks (okay I have been nagging) to get them to get some wills set up, and make some final arrangements. We have had so many relatives their age this summer either passing away or dealing with major health issues. They both have had health issues in the past anyway with my Mom's breast cancer and my dad's heart problems. I am also nervous about it because of my brother Ben, who has some special needs, and won't be able to live on his own independently. It has been the plan for awhile now that I will become Ben's guardian. I assumed this meant overseeing his medical issues, dealing with finances, keeping on top of issues for him. When I mentioned today finding a group home for him when they died, my Dad made it clear that he expects Ben to live with either Jeff and I or my sister and her husband.

It makes me feel like scum, but the truth is I do not want Ben to live with us. Jeff has his own medical issues that will probably get worse as he ages, we will be the sole people dealing with Jeff's dad as he gets older, and gosh darn it I would like at some point to live in a house with just my husband. Which we have never had. Sure, I'll be sad when my boys leave the nest, but another part of me will be doing a happy dance. I want to travel with Jeff, have fun with Jeff, and maybe have sex in the kitchen if we feel like it.

I talked with my sister briefly this afternoon and asked her if she wanted Ben. She and her hubby are going to think on it, but if they decide no (which I think is perfectly acceptable) than we have a big family argument heading our way. I hate conflict.


Christi said...

Wow, that's a lot to ask of you and Jeff. What a difficult situation to be in, especially considering that you have Jeff's health to consider, too.

Christi said...

PS Has anyone talked to Ben about how he feels about a group home? Maybe that's something that he would like to pursue since it seems like he has really flourished with the "group" environment he has been a part of in the past few years from what you've told me. Just a thought ...

Anonymous said...

i agree with Christi - knowing ben the bit i do, i remember him wanting to do as much for himself as possible.

ben should get to decide what he wants.

prayers for you and your family as you make these decisions!

(and, yes, GET WILLS!!! i am still dealing with the estates of my parents because the wills were lost)

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