Monday, June 30, 2008

Where Did She Go?

I downloaded some music onto my iPod tonight, some songs that were some of my favorites during my later years in high school. I was laying in bed just now, listening to them and trying to get to sleep when I was struck with an image of myself at 17-driving in the car (my 1986 Ford Tempo), windows down, stereo blaring, long hair blowing in the wind, flying through a warm summer night. I miss that girl so much, it moved me to tears. I miss how she felt so comfortable in her own skin, how her body gave her a feeling of power, how she felt on top of the world with her future laid out at her feet. I miss her idealism and strong convictions, her courage to take on the world, and her certainty that she would make a difference. Where in the world is she? How did that girl morph into middle aged me? I don't think I would find her, even if I dug down really deep inside, which I think is the real reason it made me cry. Because I know she is lost, and I can't ever get her back.

I would pay a lot of money to go back in time to that moment, if only for half an hour or so, and just feel those things again. Be that way again.

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