Table Topic Tuesdays

Today's post is inspired by Christy over at Real Life Adventures. Her family got a neat game for Christmas by the same name that has questions printed on cards for your family to answer and discuss around the dinner table. Cool idea, huh?!

Christy decided to continue the discussion on Tuesdays on her blog using these cards. Today she invited other bloggers to join in, so without further adu, here is today's question:

What is the hardest thing you've ever done?

As you may or may not know about me, I had anorexia nervosa in high school. I am 5 foot 8 inches and at my lowest point I got down 98 pounds. It is something I still struggle with everyday. A little secret-when I look in the mirror, I still see a 500 pound person.

Anyway, after I was finally diagnosed, and the doctor had sat my mother down and spelled it all out for her and put a name to the problem, I initially felt a HUGE sense of relief that someone knew what was wrong with me. My parents and the doctor then had a big serious talk with me and detailed what would happen if I continued to starve myself. DEATH. Which despite how I looked, was not what I wanted. They gave my parents a strict eating plan that I was to follow to the letter if I was to stay out of the hospital. That's when the relief turned to panic.

The hardest thing I have ever done was to make myself eat that first meal. I had to do it alone where no one could watch me, because it made me feel weak, powerless, and less in control to put food in my mouth. And afterwards, I had to sit with my best friend for a long time with her arms around me so that I wouldn't go running to burn off the calories, or take some Exlax to get rid of things. I love my friend Katy to pieces, and one of the reasons is because she helped me to save my own life.

I will NEVER forget having to choke down that food. It makes me feel anxious just to think of it now. It was harder than childbirth, and being left by my fiance pregnant and alone.

However, I am immensely glad I got past that first step because each step afterwards was so much easier.

So, come on bloggers! Play Table Topic Tuesday with us! If you do, link to Christy's site.