Warning...Complaints Coming Up

So...I realize I do this a lot in my blog, but today I just can't avoid it. I NEED to complain for a bit. Pregnancy is just driving me nuts. I can't fit into any of my maternity clothes anymore. This would be okay if I could stay at home, but having to work is making life rough. I have exactly 2 pairs of pants that are comfortable and a couple of shirts. I have resorted to wearing Jeff clothes at home, but I don't know what to do the rest of the time. I went searching on Thursday for some bigger things, but nothing is big enough to accomodate Sam. This didn't happen to me with either Evan or Charlie. I am so frustrated sometimes I cry about it. Thursday I tried to just tough it out and wear a pair of khakis that I knew were too tight, but I was in agony by the time 1:00 rolled around. My underwear will NOT stay up, it just rolls right under my tummy. I constantly feel unprofessional and that my clothes are either going to fall right off my body or that I am walking around disgusting people because I look like a stuffed sausage. The big problem is...I HAVE 11 MORE WEEKS TO GO!!!! What in the heck am I going to look like then? I am already starting to retain so much fluid that the skin on my feet is cracking. I cannot possibly make it until December. God Bless Jeff. I am in tears constantly, I am always grumpy, and he is patiently just putting up with me. I also have the nesting thing starting to kick in and I have this contant urge to be close to him. I must drive him stir crazy. He has a trip coming up next weekend and then again on October 2nd, so I am a nervous wreck about him leaving.

My sister and brother-in-law were nice enough to let us borrow one of their cribs, since Colin has been sleeping in a twin bed for about the last two weeks (and the angel child has not tried to get up once! How did they make this kid?) I am so thankful that we won't have to spend the money on a second crib. Anyway, they put it up last weekend in Charlie's room and I hate it. The room is stuffed with furniture. I know it won't be forever, and that things will be better when we can get rid of the changing table and there are just 2 twin beds or even bunk beds, but for now I hate it. It is the perfectionist coming out in me.

I just feel totally out of control. I can barely have a conversation without crying this weekend. I know my mom is worried about me, because I have had to get off the phone with her a couple of times this weekend, because just hearing her voice makes me cry. What is wrong with me? I have a couple of friends I really want to call and talk to this weekend but I am afraid once they say hello I will burst into tears, and they will think a psycho stalker is calling them. My poor family. I know I am driving everyone else nuts, but that just makes it worse!!! HELP! I am stuck in pregnancy insanity land!!!!

Okay...I feel marginally better. Thanks for letting me vent.

Amityville

My favorite horror movie is The Amityville Horror (the original...NOT the remake). The other day when Jeff and I went downstairs to watch TV, we found a scene that was right out of that movie. There is a part where a priest comes to bless the house and a storm of flies surrounds him. Flying around our basement ceiling there were about 30 of them! There is obviously some place that they are getting in down there, but we haven't found it yet. I think with the cold temperatures, they are being driven indoors. I can't stand flies, so my mission for the weekend is to find the hole and caulk it up. Instead of watching the news that day, we spent our time smacking flies. There were so many we had to vacuum the carpet!UGH.

In other news, Charlie's cough and runny nose are back again today. He is pretty fussy, and is just not acting like himself again. He is 10 days into the stronger antibiotic. I am so completely frustrated with this!!! The only good thing is that he got me out of going to a wedding I didn't really want to be at today. I wish I knew what to do to make him healthy!

And the Stress Continues...

We had some bad news today in a couple of different places...

The doctors have now found a mass in my Grandma Rose's spleen. They don't know for sure, but they are assuming it is malignant, and she will be having an operation in the next two weeks to have it removed and tested. If this is something that has spread from one of the other cancers, the outlook is not good. I have this intense fear that she won't make it until Sam is born.

My parents are putting their dog Tekla to sleep next Wednesday. We got Tekla when I was a junior in high school, right when I was going through my anorexia. She would sit next to me with her head on my lap as I would choke down meals after I went into treatment. She grew up with my brothers, and was like an extra sibling. I can't imagine having to say good bye to this dear friend. She is precious to all of us, and while we don't want to see her suffer anymore, I can't stand the thought of her not being at my parent's house.

I am off now to my 28 week appointment. Hopefully we will get better news there. This is my first every 2 weeks appointment. I can't believe I am at that stage of the game! I am SO NOT READY FOR THIS!

Charlie Goes Back to the Doctor-AGAIN!!

Yes, I had to take Charlie back to the pediatrician yesterday, since his nose was still not getting better, even after 8 days of a pretty hefty antibiotic. The doctor gave us a different medicine to try, and said that he wants to recheck him in 14 days. If he isn't without cough and drainage, then he wants to do a sinus x-ray. I had LOADS of sinus problems and operations growing up, so I have a sneaky suspicion that he has inherited it from me. The scary thing was that, when he tested he blood oxygen level it was low, only a 96% (normal people running 99%-100%). He said that this was much to low for a baby, and he put him indefinitely on a once a day lung medicine that he takes through the nebulizer machine to help him maintain a healthy lung function with his asthma. I guess his sinus infection was affecting it and I didn't even realize it, which made me feel stupid since I have asthma and so does Evan. He told me that babies don't always cough or wheeze though when they are having problems...sometimes the only way you can tell is if they are fussy. their lips or finger tips have a bluish tinge, or if their tummy muscles are working extra hard. Yikes! It scares me he was dealing with the effects of low oxygen and I didn't know!!

Jeff Becomes an Old Man

Jeff celebrated the big three oh yesterday, officially stepping into middle age. How the heck did we get to be in our 30s? Don't you all just feel like we just turned 18, just graduated from high school? How can we be 30 when I still don't feel like a grown up yet? Okay, so obviously I am having a harder time with my husband being 30 than he is. It didn't seem to bother him at all, and he seemed to have a really good day! I personally will be freaking out next year as I approach this daunting number. Anyway, we celebrated with nothing big, just Jeff's favorite foods for dinner, and a cool present from me and the boys afterwards. (We gave him an iPod Nano!!!) He seemed to be really impressed and like it, and that is hard to do. He is a tough nut to crack. Hmmm. Now that I read this, maybe we are middle aged. We celebrated both our birthdays and our anniversary with quiet evenings at home with the kids. Yikes! We've lost all our verve!

September 11th

It was a pretty emotional day at school today. We did a lot of different activities to commemorate the events that happened 5 years ago. As I was sitting with my class this morning, listening to a prayer service, I thought about how all of the children I am teaching this year were realliy just babies when it happened, about a year old at the most. 5 years ago I was teaching 3rd grade and I can remember clearly how much the events of September 11th changed those 8 year old's perception of the world. We spent the school year talking through their feelings and helping them make sense of that day and the days that followed. In many ways, I feel closest to that class, my second ever, because we shared so much, and we changed so much together. It made me sad for my students today, that almost their entire lives have been spent in a world with terror threats, pictures of planes flying into buildings, and war in Afghanistan and Iraq. They've really never experienced that feeling of safety (alhough it turned out to be a naive feeling) that we all had before that day. When I was a child, it never would have occurred to me to think that someone could hurt me our my country. My own sons will not know what this is like. Evan was almost three that day, and we happened to be home from school together since he was sick. Even though he was so little, he deeply remembers the day and watching it on TV. I knew as it was happening Evan shouldn't be seeing it, but I couldn't turn the TV off. I just had to know what was going on, everything was so scary. Today as we were driving to school listening to the Today show on the radio, he wanted to know if it could or would happen again. Will our children ever get to feel safe again?


In a totally opposite train of thought...Charlie said his first word yesterday! At dinner he was pigging out on crackers, and he kept screaming every time he wanted another one. I thought, okay! Time to break out the baby sign language. Before I gave him the next cracker, I said more, showed him the sign for more, and helped him to make the sign too. By the fourth try he shocked the heck out of me. He yelled to get my attention, looked straight at me, said "More!" and grinned. Okie dokie! Let's bypass the signing and go straight for the talking! He even said it a few more times, until I had to cut off his cracker supply. GO CHARLIE!!!!

Slow Weekend

We have spent yet another weekend recuperating. Charlie went to the doctor on Wednesday, and was diagnosed with a sinus infection and a staph infection on his cheeks. The antibiotic seems to FINALLY be kicking in today. I am so glad to be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!! It has been such a long three weeks.


I did get two things accomplished this weekend that make me excited...we bought a freezer which we are keeping in our storage room. I have been wanting one of these for forever so that I can stock up on meat when it is on sale. Also, my sister took Evan to the apple orchard yesterday (one of his favorite activities). She picked up a bushel of apples for me, and today I cored and sliced them (with my rockin' Pampered Chef apple machine!!) and I put them in the freezer to use later for pies, deserts, etc.


I just heard that one of my good friends Katy is pregnant with her first child, due in April. Even though she never reads this, shout out to Katy and Dan!! I am really excited for them!

No Sleep

I was looking back at past entries that I had made in my blog yesterday...and I found one from right after I got married that told how miserable Jeff and I were trying to share a bed. We kept kicking each other, stealing blankets, and getting in the other's way. I didn't think it would ever get better! Fast forward a year, to last night. Jeff didn't go to bed last night until after 1:00 since he took the day off today as an extra day of vacation. I could NOT fall asleep soundly until he was there!! I could only doze on and off, and I kept having these creepy feelings that something was wrong, like someone trying to get into the house or something. I am just pathetic I guess. My first graders are getting the better of me today since I am SOOOOO sleepy!!

Still Sick

Ugh!! I am sick of us being sick. I stayed home with Charlie from school on Monday, and Jeff stayed home with him on Tuesday. He ran a fever off and on for four days. On Tuesday I started to feel really strange. My skin hurt and ached all over. I can only describe it as a creepy crawly feeling. It got worse and worse until Thursday when I got extremely dizzy, and then started running a fever as well. Yesterday all of the same continued only then I got cold symptoms too like a sore throat, runny nose, and headache. This morning Charlie woke up with a rash and another fever. FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!! I just want us to feel normal!! We were supposed to drive up to Harlan today to have lunch with Jeff's aunt and grandma, but we didn't since we didn't want to pass off all of our germs on to his Grandma, who is in her 80s. I feel so bad about cancelling....I really don't want them to think that I just didn't want to come. On the other hand, it is so nice today to do nothing but work on feeling better.

In happier news, I just bought Jeff's birthday present and I am SOOOOOOOO excited about it! I know he is going to love it! He turns 30 on September 12th, and he hates people to look at him or pay any attention to him at all on his birthday. So, since I couldn't do anything fun (or normal) like have a fun party, I knew I had to make the gift pretty exciting instead since it is his big 30. I can't wait to give it to him!!!!

Sick Sick Sick

There is a nasty cold going around school, and it has now hit all the members of our household as well. Evan got it first, he passed it to Jeff, Jeff passed it Charlie, and Charlie passed it to me. Charlie's asthma has really been affected by the whole thing. He was coughing and wheezing all evening. I can handle diarhea, vomitting, you name it, but when they have problems breathing, it scares the crap out of me. It's especially hard because I have asthma too and I know how scary it is, and that's as an adult. I can't imagine what it's like for Charlie, who doesn't understand. It has made for an exhausting first weekend in the school year. I am hoping things are better next week.

School was crazy this week. I have my most challenging class ever. Maybe I am just spoiled from last year, when I had a GREAT room. I know that eventually these kiddos will get whipped into shape too, but the 1 million dollar question this year is....Do I have the energy to get them that way?

I am finished with my first marathon week of school. It is always a tough week of trying to get things ready for the first week with kids while at the same time attending meetings and inservices. I think I have things ready to go. We had Open House last night from 5-7:00, and I got the chance to meet my new families and kiddos. I have 7 returning families (families where I have had other siblings in past classes) which is so nice. You form such close relationship during the year, it is hard to send them off to the next grade, so I love the chance to reconnect with kids and parents. My class seems to be packed with really nice kids this year, so I am excited to work with them. There have been some pretty stressful situations at work in other areas in the four days we have been back, so that has been more than frustrating, but hopefully as the school year gets off the ground we will be able to overcome these things.


Charlie popped out tooth number 8 this week at daycare, so I am hoping that had something to do with his not sleeping or eating while he was at school. Maybe next week as they settle into more of a regular routine, things will get better. Yesterday I was able to leave for a bit in the afternoon between work and Open House, so I took the kids to my parents house. When we got there, Charlie gobbled down 6 ounces and then crashed for 2 hours. It's almost like he waits to be at home so he can relax and eat and sleep.


Evan spent the week in After School Care, where he was completely disgusted. He was bummed about waking up early, the new teacher there, and about a new problem we are dealing with. A bully. Ugh...I have had so much training in this area as a teacher (a whole inservice on Tuesday in fact) since this is such a huge problem in schools, but it is completely different when it is your own kid. I forget everything I am supposed to say, and I want to go grab this kid and protect Evan from him. The other tough thing is that this bully is the child of a close friend. Such an akward situation!!! It has made him dread going in to school in the mornings. We did have some good news this week though. After searching all summer, I have FINALLY found a doctor who is willing to work with Evan, and who is on our insurance plan. Hallelujah! I am hopefully we can get some answers and treatment this year.

MAJORLY Stressed Out

I went back to work on Monday, and I have been miserable ever since. There are some really ridiculously stressful situations happening at school that I wish I could write about (but don't want to end up like dooce so I won't) that are making me dread going in every in. Daycare for Charlie has also been really hard. He has really only been there for about 7 weeks prior to this, and it was at a point in his development when he wasn't super cognizant of what was going on, and he definitely hadn't gone into the whole stranger anxiety thing yet. This time it's a whole new story. His teacher Miss Mary is new to school, but she is doing an outstanding job. She is a natural with infants, and I can tell she is already in love with Charlie, which is exactly what you want in your child's caregiver. He seems to really enjoy her as well, as he goes to her willingly when we get there in the morning. Every time I pop in, she has been holding him, or playing with him, and my mom reports that she thinks the sun rises and sets on him. However, he won't eat while he's there, taking at the most 2 ounces at a time, and he won't sleep for more than a 30 minute stretch about twice a day. He is used to taking a 2 hour nap in the morning, and then again in the late afternoon. So, by the time I get him, he is ravenous and extremely cranky. It is a mad dash to get home, because he can barely stand the 20 minute car ride because he is so hungry. I am insanely missing him during the day, and I wish our time at home was filled with playtime and cuddles but it ends up being more damage control. I have tried visiting him during the day, which is something I love being able to do at school, but I think it just makes it worse for him because he screams when I leave, which then makes me burst into tears. I am so emotional about everything right now anyway, that I have cried at least once every night this week. I have also had tons of work to do at home every night, so I feel like I don't ever get a break or god forbid relaxation time because I am constantly taking care of the kids, at work, or doing work at home. I hate this. I am terrifed of Sam, because I have absolutely no idea how I am going to cope when he is born. Jeff is at work most days until 7:30 or 8:00, so I really feel like I am on my own with things. Is this worth it? I am making myself crazy, the kids crazy, and I don't have the time or energy to complete everything I need to do for everybody. I really feel over my head.

Exhausting Weekend

I am pooped! This is my last weekend before school starts, and I had wanted to take it easy and relax, maybe get in a Christi/Alyssa fix. Instead, my parents left for a weekend in Kansas City to help my Aunt Connie move into her new house. They deposited my brother Ben on my doorstep along with their dog Tekla. (Creighton was supposed to watch the dog but canceled on them at the last minute). Tekla is 13 years old and in the last stages of heart failure. Within 45 minutes of being here on Friday night, she peed 6 times on the carpet, and pooped all over the kids' toyroom, hitting several toys along the way. She continued to work her magic overnight, pooping and peeing ALL OVER Evan's bed, and bedroom. I spent all morning cleaning up after her. I felt bad, but I deposited her to my parent's porch with lots of water and food, and her bed. I know the heat isn't good for her, but between Charlie and Tekla, I was completely surrounded with bodily secretions. I also had to go to Wal-Mart (NOT Target!!!) to purchase all of Charlie's daycare supplies for Monday. Then I had to come home and label everything and pack it up. I feel like I am taking him to college to live in a dorm with all of the stuff we have to bring. Don't even ask me how we're getting into the building on Monday between my teaching stuff, his stuff, and the kids. I hyperventilate when I think about doing this with Charlie AND Sam. Tomorrow won't be much better...my sister is coming over so that we can turn her tomatoes from her garden into ketchup and spaghetti sauce and then can it. I am excited to spend time with her, since I never get too (which is a WHOLE other story) but it still means I can't sit down. I am tired just thinking about it.

The Crap Has Officially Been Scared Out of Me

I took Charlie to a Target photography studio today to have his 6 month photographs taken. The girl set up an infant positioner under the satin fabric on a table, since I told her he wasn't that great at sitting up himself yet. I put Charlie on top. As the girl stood in front of him with her hand on his knee and worked on getting him in focus on the digital screen, she asked me to shut the door to the studio so that he would stop looking at what was going on outside. I stepped away to shut the door, figuring he was okay because she was holding on to him. All of a sudden I heard her scream, "NOOOOO!" I turned around just in time to see Charlie mid-tumble from the table, and his head slam on the floor. The stupid photographer had stepped away from him. She had semi caught him by the back of the overalls, but not enough to stop his head from hitting. I cannot describe the level of fear that took over my entire body. I actually shoved the girl out of the way to get to my baby. This was not a thought out action, I just did it out of instinct. Charlie was so stunned and terrified, that it took him a few seconds to get his breath back in order to cry. I whisked him out of there, and called the doctor who told me what to watch for in case of concussion. He is going in tomorrow for an ear check, so they will be able to double check then. As soon as I was sure he was okay enough for me to take my eyes off of him long enough to drive home, I strapped him into his car seat. Evan and I both burst into tears at the same time when we sat down in our seats. We were both just horrified. Luckily, Charlie seems to be just fine, but from here on out, I am a loyal Wal-mart shopper.

Heavy Sleepers

There was a VERY loud thunderstorm last night...I swear that for some reason storms are bigger and louder at our new house. There was a HUGE clap of thunder at about 4:00 in the morning...you know the kind where the storm is so close that the lightening and thunder are about simultaneous? I jolted up into a sitting position with my heart racing. I was sure the kids would be freaked out, so I went to check them. They were both sound asleep and didn't look like they had even flinched! Why can't I sleep like that?

Random Thoughts

Not much in the way of big events happening around here...but some random things are flying around my head....

I switched Charlie into a "big boy" car seat today. Now that he is a hulking 23 pounds, it is just killing me to carry him around in his infant car seat/carrier. I was avoiding doing this, because he isn't the greatest at sitting up yet, especially if something catches his attention. He just makes a dive for it, and assumes that I will catch him. I love it that he trusts me that much, but this can be scary in a grocery cart. Plus, with his long limbs he has just plain outgrown his carrier. It is pretty cute to see him sitting up and looking around in the big boy seat.

I hate this week of summer. It is my very last week of summer vacation. I always feel so blah this week. Not just because it is my last week of freedom, but because for me summer is a magical snipit of time for me to spend with my children. It passes so quickly, and it makes me sad to think that so much will change for the kids by the time the next summer rolls around. Evan will be a grown up 8 year old next summer! His childhood is just speeding along...I wish I could slow things down. I know we have precious little time before I become his embarrassing mother that he doesn't want to be seen with. It's interesting for me to think how regulated my life has always been by this schedule of school and summers. Most adults leave this eb and flow of freedom behind, but my world continues to be regulated by it.

I took Trudy in for her shots today...our vet told me that she has three boys at home too, and that for that reason, her dogs will always be females. I totally agree with her. Sometimes Trudy will curl up on the couch with me after "we" have put the kids to bed (she follows me through this routine nightly, checking to make sure each one is in their rightful place-sometimes I think she thinks they are her children too) and she will look up at me with those big brown eyes and sigh like she is saying "what a day we've had!" I know I always want a dog in my life like this, and it will always be a girl. Sometimes, and I know this is crazy, I feel like it is me and Trudy against the world.

We are supposed to get up to 5 inches of rain tonight! I am looking forward to curling up with a good book tonight. There is nothing better than reading on a rainy night, curled up with your dog.

Introducing...

Samuel John Kleffman! We have FINALLY decided on a name for our third little boy, which is such a relief to me. It really helps me to bond with the baby. My sister suggested looking on the Social Securty website where they list the 1000 most popular names in the US. Out of those 1000, we could only agree on one...Hayden. We just didn't like it better than Sam though, which has been the front runner since the day we had our ultrasound. I love that John is his middle name, after both of his grandpas. So...in only around 18 weeks (yikes!) we will be able to see Sam's face.

Smarmy

The boys and I took a trip to midtown yesterday to visit the final days of the Rod Kush's store closing sale. We have needed a matress for our guest room since we moved in, but I couldn't see paying full price for one, and this seemed the perfect opportunity. As soon as we walked into the store, we were approached by a salesman (actually there were a crowd of them waiting to descend on any customer and he happened to run the fastest). It was apparent after looking at him for 3 seconds that Rod Kush has hired members of the mofia to liquidate his inventory. The man, who was extremely Italian, had oiled and slicked back hair. He was wearing a silk shirt with the first three buttons open, slacks, and leather pointed shoes. He had on a thick gold chain necklance, and had a box of Marlboro reds tucked into the waistband of his pants! As he swaggered towards us, he said (insert major mafia accent) "How 'ya doin' today? What can we getcha?" Charlie, who doesn't even cry when he has a double ear infection, is cutting three teeth and is constipated all at the same time, took one look at this smarmy man and let loose with his I am COMPLETELY terrified cry which he usually reserves for the likes of the evil vacuum. Evan looked at me questioningly like, "Who IS this man?" I love that my children are completely great judges of character.

At any rate, we did get a completely good deal on a Serta mattress so our guest room is complete. If anyone would like to spend some time with the Kleffmans, the inn is now open!!!

Thank GOODNESS for Christi!!!

I have spent the past two days working like a madwoman in my classroom. My mom could only watch the boys for two days, so I only had two days to get everything set up. Normally, I just take Evan with me and he hangs out while I work, but it is impossible to get anything done with Charlie around. When I got there on Tuesday I was HORRIFIED. We bought a new reading series this year, which means lots of incoming boxes. Some very clever person delivered all of the reading boxes as well as supply boxes for the year to the middle of THE PREGNANT LADY'S CLASSROOM. Aargh! There were no less than 27 boxes sitting in the middle of my classroom floor. I couldn't just ignore them since they were smack dab in the middle of the room. To make matters worse, the air conditioning wasn't working. The outside temp was around 97, so it was sweltering. Just what I needed. I stuck it out though, and got a lot done. Wednesday was so much better! The air had kicked on, praise the lord, and the awesome Christi rocked my world by bringing lunch up and helping me for several hours. I think this is the only way I got done. Evan was insanely jealous that I got to see Christi and he didn't. He was seriously offended that he didn't get to hang out with one of his favorite people, and I got quite a disgusted look when found out. I am so relieved to have this major chore done. It's always an undertaking, but I have been so worried about it this year with the kids. I am really pleased with the way it turned out. I made a lot of changes to set up and boards. I have to keep it new and interesting so I don't get stuck in a rut!


When I went to pick up the kids from my Mom's house, she told me that she thought I looked full term already! YIKES! I have 19 weeks to go. What will I look like in December? Maybe the Michelin Man? The Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man? Scarier yet, who am I going to have to give birth to, Paul Bunyan?

Pregnancy Brain

My brain is so far gone after being pregnant for two years, it isn't even funny. Here is a prime example...


This morning I was driving home with the boys from having breakfast with my parents. I had been stopped at a four way stop sign for quite some time when Evan piped up from the back seat and said, "Mom? Why are we sitting here for so long? I think you can go now." And I said, "I'm waiting for the light to turn green." Lord! Evan, who is developing a hilarious sense of humor said, "Well, I guess we'll be here for quite awhile then." It was only then that I realized that THERE WAS NO LIGHT.

?

Yesterday I had a phone conversation with our life insurance guy. We wanted to make some changes to Jeff's policy, and when he asked why I mentioned baby #3 being on it's way in December. His reply was, "Boy, Jeff is really a tiger in bed, isn't he?" I was speechless. I am still not used to people making these weird comments to me about the babies being close together. The general public feels it has the right to comment on my sex life. What in the world do you say to crap like this? "You know what, he really is. I just can't be near him without him jumping me." I never know how to respond. When Jeff told someone at his job about the baby, they said "Can't you leave her alone?!" (Interesting though, isn't it, that everyone places the blame on Jeff?) How about "Congratulations!" Charlie had his six month check up earlier in the week, and I told our pediatrician that Charlie was going to be a big brother and God bless him, he did say congratulations! One more reason I think the kids' doctor is a saint, and I would follow him anywhere.

Political Angst

This morning I woke up and by a wonderful miracle, both boys were still asleep. I made myself a cup of coffee, and I was able to sit down and enjoy a leisurly breakfast with a good book. How blissful! I love my kiddos, but I am starting to look forward to work a bit to get my injection daily of adultness, and feeling like I am someone besides just Evan and Charlie's mom. I would SOOOO love to stay home with my guys, but sometimes I get these little niggles of doubt about whether or not my sanity would stand it. Sometimes I get so depressed about not having time for me or anything that I enjoy.


While I was feeding Charlie his breakfast, I was catching up on the morning news with Evan, and a commercial came on for Ben Nelson. It was one of those negative political attack ads that are always being shot around. Evan just cracked me up when he said, "Well for goodness sakes! What I am supposed to believe here? One says he's bad, one says he's good! How am I supposed to know who to vote for?" He was so cute! He acted just like he was going to head out to the polls in November. How insightful for him to pick up on the same stuff we adults wonder about. Who to believe? I just love this age. He is becoming so aware of the world around him.

Pine Beach

We got home on Saturday evening from what was THE BEST trip/vacation that I have ever taken. Evan, Charlie, and I went with my parents and brother Ben to a place in Northern Minnesota called Pine Beach Resort. We had originally intended to take one van up there, but once we started loading up Saturday morning, it was immediately clear we weren’t going to fit everything plus passengers in one vehicle. So, we loaded up my parents van too. The drive up there is about 10 hours, and I was very proud to drive 8 hours up and 8 hours back (my mom took a turn at lunch time so I could nap a bit). That is the farthest and longest I have ever driven, and I was just fine! The rest of the time, my Mom hung out in the back with Charlie. Charlie was a SAINT on the way up! He didn’t cry one single time in 10 hours. He was doing better than I was! 6 hours is about my limit in the car, and then I start to go buggy.


We arrived about 5 o’clock on Saturday evening, and we drove up to an adorable little yellow cabin. It had a deck in the back that was filled with lawn furniture, and it was RIGHT on the beautiful sand beach and about 6 feet from the crystal clear lake. The cabin was not luxurious, but it was cute, comfortable, and clean, and had everything we needed for an awesome week. The boys and I shared a room. There was a double bed that Evan and I used, and Charlie slept in a pack and play that the resort provided. It was so cozy to settle down for the evening with my kids around me and the sound of the water right outside our window.


The first night we got there, it was the middle of the heat wave. When we arrived it was 105 degrees outside, and since the cabin had been closed up all day, it was 120 inside(I am NOT exaggerating). Minnesota NEVER has heat like this, so they don’t have air conditioning. It was so hot inside you couldn’t stand it. So, we headed out for the lake and swam for a long time. We almost turned right around and came back home, but luckily we didn’t as the heat spell broke the next day. For the rest of the week, it didn’t get over 83, and at night it got down into the low 50s. It was sooooo nice. The water temperature was actually warmer than the air temp! We also made a trip to the local Pamida the next day to buy some fans, and we were very comfortable after that.

Evan had the best week. The resort had about three to four different activities every day that kids could participate in. He went on a hayrack ride, to a water balloon fight, painted a mural, and fed the animals that live on the resort (goats, rabbits, guinea pigs). The animals would come and eat right out of the kids’ hands! We had wanted to do the marshmallow roast and a sand sculpture contest as well but we spent one day at a neighboring lake called Leech Lake where my Aunt Julie and her family were staying. He’s also hoping next year to take some water skiing lessons that they offer throughout the week. There was a playhouse and swing set right behind our cabin and also a rec room that had a TV, some video games, board games, pinball, table tennis, etc. that wasn’t too far away. By Tuesday he felt comfortable going to these by himself, and it was so nice to see him feeling comfortable going places on his own, and to develop some independence. When we are at home, he won’t even ride his bike to the corner unless I am with him, so it made me so happy to see him venturing out on his own. There wasn’t any TV in the cabin, a shock to Evan’s system at first, but it was really nice. We spent the evenings sitting outside on the deck while Evan played in the sand and built sand castles while we watched the beautiful sunsets. Once it was dark we came in and had a card tournament, mostly Kings in the Corner, and Evan became quite the competitive player. It was nice to spend family time without the TV in the background.


Charlie also had an eventful week. He cut three teeth in 2 days, for a total of 6!! He celebrated his 6 month birthday; he started crawling, got constipated up to his eyeballs, and restarted an ear infection he has been battling since the last week in June. I ended up taking him to a doctor in Park Rapids, who prescribed an antibiotic for him on Friday. Despite it all, he warmed our hearts daily with his smiles. He loved having Grandma and Poppo around all the time, and he really loved the lake. He would get really excited first and kick and splash, and then he would get so relaxed that he would fall asleep in my arms. I even fed him his bottle in the lake, with him sleeping in my arms, a couple of times when the teething got particularly bad.


I loved being with my family, taking time out to relax, and being with my boys. I didn’t have one single migraine or heart episode the entire time I was there. I am not sure if it was the weather, the time I could spend just reading or in the water, or not having to do absolutely everything myself that did it. It was truly the best trip I have been on. It was pretty tough to come home. Evan was pretty disappointed to be headed back toward Omaha, and woke up in tears the Saturday morning we left. We had such a good time, my parents would like to make it an annual event, so I am thinking we will be heading up next year too. Probably not so relaxing with an 18 month old, and a 7 month old, but I guess that’s life. I don’t want Evan to miss out on his time just because of his brothers. I can’t wait to head back!!


It was also a time for me to have some reflection time. Things have been rough lately for Jeff and I, and I wanted some time to sort things out. The first 2 days, I just missed him like crazy. Then I began to see the other families around us. In the cabin next to us there was a family with 4 little boys, and they all trailed after the dad the entire week. It was adorable, but when I saw this I got incredibly angry. Usually when I start feeling like this I try to make excuses for Jeff, and I find a way to make it my fault or explain it away (not healthy I know...and one of the things that worry me. For some reason I have fallen back into some old patterns I established with Dan, and I hate it. I really want my self esteem and confidence back!!) But this time, I just let myself be furious with him. I deserved to have him there, and so did the boys. We all deserve to have a husband and a father, but as usual, he was opting out to be by himself. After I was angry for awhile, I calmed down a little and realized that no matter how much we love him or want him to participate in our family, I can't make that choice for him. I can't make him want to be with us, and I can't make him like having us for a family. What I can do, is try to protect myself and the kids from getting hurt from that behavior. I want to give him time to make that choice to love us, but I can't just let us get hurt forever. I did that with Dan, and I let my brain and my heart be at the mercy of someone else despite how unhealthy it was for me. I came away a completely damaged person but I pulled myself together for Evan. I was so proud of the work I had done to get myself back afterwards. It just kills me that I have let it happen again through my behavior. Don't get me wrong...I am NOT saying that Jeff is hitting me or is anything like Dan. I know in his heart he loves us. But I do think to totally pull away from people and act like they are invisible is damaging too.


The day I got back was our 1st wedding anniversary. I was excited to see Jeff, and to see if he had missed us. When we got home around 5 o'clock, he wasn't even home. He had cleaned the whole house, so that was really nice, but I guess I was hurt he wasn't there to meet us. He finally arrived at about 6:30. When he came in he just said hello and how was the trip. No hug, or kiss. He was pretty quiet the whole night. After the kids went to bed, he spent some time alone on the deck, and then he watched a movie. I was pretty tired, so I just gave up and went to bed. I was hoping that the time away would show him what a great thing he has going, but I think he just enjoyed the time alone. Yesterday night was much of the same. He always comes home from work and no matter how much I try to engage him in conversation, he just keeps to himself. I can't live like this. I wanted someone to be my partner, to support me, to love me. I feel completely invisible and taken for granted. I feel like Alice on the Brady Bunch. I take care of the house, the kids, my job, everything, but I don't get the support of anyone. It's really draining on me. He does come and kiss and hug Charlie and totally interacts with him. I am so embarrassed to feel jealous of my own child and the attention he receives from Jeff. I know all of us need to be in therapy, but we can't afford it, so I guess I am using this blog as a tool for getting it out and working through it. Today he came in and was just loving on Charlie, and I just started crying. I had to come downstairs to let it all out. I know Evan feels bad too, since he has made some comments lately. He is so excited to see him when he comes home and asks about every 5 minutes when he will be there, but then Jeff will just say hello to him and that is it. He always asks why Jeff doesn't like him. I wish Jeff could see what a great kid he has in Evan, and what a great wife I would like to be to him. Today we saw a friend who was asking Evan about the trip, and then she said, "I bet Jeff missed you bunches! I bet he gave you a huge hug when he saw you again." Evan looked at me, and then he said "No. Jeff never hugs me." and then these tears just started to fall down his face. I know my quilting friend felt so bad, but why wouldn't you assume that someone would be glad to see their family and hug them when they got back? It just made my heart break that much more.


I am working really hard to realize that while it affects us, this is Jeff's problem, and it is one I can't fix for him. He needs to decide to do that for himself. I also need to keep in mind that I am an okay person, and that I am not causing him to make these choices. I also need to protect myself, and most of all my kids, because they can't do that for themselves emotionally right now. I am just not sure how to do that yet.


In more bad news, we heard while we were in Minnesota that the lab results had come back from my grandmother's surgery. The tumors in each breast were from separate cancers. The one on the left, which we were waiting to hear about, was an extremely aggressive kind, usually genetic. She had a bone scan and a CAT scan done yesterday to see if it had spread to the bone, since they found cancer cells spreading in all of the tissue samples they took. She is having a second masectomy done on Thursday, and will then have to have radiation and chemo. Not what we wanted to hear.

In Hot Water

Yesterday morning as Evan and I were driving to Wal-Mart to pick up some things for our trip, a commercial came on the radio about the AIDS virus. Evan, ever the worrier, immediately began to worry about whether or not he had AIDS. So, I began to explain, in what I hoped were 7 year old terms, about drug use and unprotected sex. I even stuck in there that although not everyone choses to, sometimes it is safer for your health to not have sex until you are married. (Evan has already had some detailed birds and the bees discussions with the arrival of all of these babies. Because he asked, and was interested, I told him exactly how things work. I was never sure until yesterday how much he understood of that.) He was quiet for a few minutes, which is always a bad sign, and then he said, "Then why did you have me when you weren't married?" Yikes! I always knew this day was coming, and that I would look like a hypocrit to him, but I never thought it would happen when he was seven years old. At the same time, I was impressed that he made the jump all by himself from a brief talk about safe sex to his own birth situation. So, I got into the conversation I have been dreading since he was conceived about his dad and I's terrible relationship. It helped that Evan has known for a long time (from his own experience) that his dad is nutso, and we have always talked about how he has a sickness in his brain that makes him treat people meanly, and that this is why he left us. I told him about how we were engaged, and that I thought we really were getting married, and how I have always treasured that my relationship with his dad gave me him. By the time we got to Wal-Mart I was in tears. Who would dream you have to talk about this stuff with your about to be 2nd grader? I always pictured him as a teen ager asking this. I also think he has been mulling this over for awhile, because during the last month or so, he has been TERRIFIED that I am going to leave him. I'm talking he gets nervous if I am in the closet getting some shoes, and he doesn't know it. We talked about that too. He said he was nervous that since his dad left that I will too. It just broke my heart. It does drive me nuts sometimes when he wants to keep close tabs on me at all times, but to get a glimpse into this terror that he feels constantly took my breath away. I am not sure how to prove to him that I am here to stay. Maybe there isn't a way, and we just have to live through this stage. I am sure the people at the store thought I was crazy, but then again, aren't a lot of the people you see at that store? I guess I just fit in.


We are leaving bright and early tomorrow for a stay at Lake Bel Taine in Minnesota at a place called Pine Beach. I am hoping some fun in the sun is a major distraction for him and he can do a little bit of healing while we are away. It is more than a little depressing to realize that although Dan is physically out of our lives, he will never really be gone, and that we will be dealing with his negative effects for forever.

Dr. Phil

I was driving Evan to tutoring this morning, when Evan, my sweet little thinker and champion worrier pipes up from the back seat and says, "Mom, I think you need to go and see Dr. Phil." I was thinking about how we were running late for our 10:30 appointment, and noticing that the van desperately needed gas, so I wasn't quite following and said, "None of our doctors are named Phil, Evan. Who do you mean?" And he reminded me, "You know, the doctor on TV who fixes everyone's problems?" So, a little warrily I replied, "Why do you think I need to see Dr. Phil?" He was quiet for a second, so I knew this was something my little guy was thinking about seriously, and he said, "I think he could help you and Jeff fix all of your problems. I'm worried about you arguing all the time." You could have knocked me over with a toothpick at that moment. I really felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. What am I DOING to this poor child? I have the stupid audacity to give him a biological father who is one of the poorest excuses of a human being I have ever encountered. That situation made him go through enough. When I finally bring a father into the house for him, I am dumb enough to let him hear some of the things Jeff and I have been having trouble with lately. I am sooooo disapointed in myself. I know my parents disagreed about things when I was growing up, but only ONE TIME did this occur in front of us kids. I felt so safe and secure in their relationship, their love for each other, and hence, their love for me. I was very concious of this effort on their part as an older teen and young adult, and always told myself that I would do that for my kids. Where is my head? My seven year old does not need to deal with this adult stress. Ugh!


I went to the doctor today for my third appointment. I am 18 weeks this week. I had a lot to tell her while I was there. I have been having terrible migraines, and haven't been able to take my usual Imitrex or Ibuprofen, so she gave a prescription for something safe to take during pregnancy, bless her. I found out my AFP test, which tests for neural tube defects like spina bifida in the baby came back normal. I told her about my extreme exhaustion, which some days has been so much worse than regular pregnancy tiredness that I haven't been able to get out of bed, and I have had to call my mom to help with the kids. They did some extensive tests on my thyroid, so we'll see how those turn out. I also told her how bad my tachycardia (rapid heartrate for no reason) has been the last three weeks. It was so bad this morning before leaving the house that I was almost afraid to drive, because I was dizzy, and feeling terrible. She is sending me to an internist to have some tests done on my heart, and I am under strict orders to take it VERY easy and keep my feet up. Okay....this wasn't too hard to do when I was pregnant with Evan, but now that Evan and 6 month old Charlie are around? Who can put their feet up then? What will I do with 30 kids in my classroom in a couple of weeks? I can just picture myself saying, "Just a minute boys and girls! Mrs. Kleffman needs to put her feet up!" She also told me that I have a heart murmur. This would make sense I guess since both of my boys have one too. She said when I am my normal self, it probably is so slight you can't even detect it, which is why no one has noticed it yet. But when you are pregnant and are pumping around 40% more blood volume than usual, it can make small problems worse. She said many people have heart issues detected in pregnancy for this reason. She isn't sure this is what is causing the tachycardia, but I guess we will find out. The baby is also still measuring 3 weeks farther along than he should, so they told me to expect another BIG boy like Charlie. Sheesh! I sure can grow 'em good, huh!


In Charlie news, he popped out his 3rd tooth today. Top left front tooth. He was chewing on a toy today, and all of a sudden he screamed bloody murder. A little while later, I noticed it had popped through the gums!! He will look so cute with his top front teeth in! I can't wait until it comes further down.

What Kind of Sports Car Am I?

I'm a Dodge Viper!

You're all about raw power. You're tough, you're loud, and you don't take crap from anyone. Leave finesse to the other cars, the ones eating your dust.

Take the Which Sports Car Are You? quiz.

Yucky Weekend

Just wanted to update things on my Grandma Rose...she had her surgery on Friday. The right side was in fact malignant, and had matastisized to her lymph nodes. We are waiting on the tests from pathology to hear what stage of cancer it is, whether or not it is estrogen sensitive, and how agressive it is. On the left, the tumor was to small to biopsy right there, so they had to send it away to a different lab. They are assuming it is cancerous, but are not sure if it is a separate tumor or a matastisis. So, on the right side she had a full masectomy, and on the left, a generous lumpectomy. As they weren't sure about the left side though, if it tests positive, she may have to go back in a month for further surgery to get the lymph nodes and the masectomy on that side. Just the thing an 85 year old needs! She will probably be doing radiation treatments as well, but because of her age, no chemo, which I am relieved about for her sake. It was so nice to be at the hospital, as I got to see her twice before she went in to surgery, and also when she came out. My aunts were so nice too, and took me out for ice cream while we were waiting to make sure at least some part of my birthday was festive.

My weekend continued to be stupid on Saturday afternoon as the following conversation took place at our house. Jeff had teasingly used the duster to tickle Evan in the face while he was dusting his room. I said, "That's probably not a good idea, because it can realy set off asthma attacks for him." Jeff said, "Whatever. He can take it. I am so tired of your crap." I said, "I am not trying to be bossy, but Evan and I are allergic to dust, and it can really make our asthma bad. That's why we dust frequently." And then Jeff said, "One more week! I can't wait!" Referring to how the rest of us are leaving on Saturday for Minnesota and he is not. Which hurt my feelings on so many levels. It confirmed my suspicions that he doesn't want to come because he doesn't want to be with us. And of course, who wants to be told that others can't stand to be around you? Many people, especially men have told me that I am terrible to live with. I guess I am a complete failure at this wife thing. It has barely been a year, and my husband wants to get far and fast away from me. I also was hurt that he would say such a thing in front of the kids. I don't think that's healthy. I really don't know what to do.

(Pre) Happy Birthday to Me

Sorry about what is going to be a long post...I haven't written anything in a long time because I guess to be truthful I have been avoiding it. I am not sure if can I express what I have to say without sounding like an ungrateful whiner, so if that is how it comes off, I apologize in advance, as that is not my intent. Yesterday, Jeff and I went in for our second ultrasound. We were sent to Methodist Hospital and the perinatologist program there. My brother Ben was born with birth defects that are genetic, so they have us do a level 2 (3-D) ultrasound so they can check carefully on the baby. We got to talk for an hour with a geneticist, which was interesting, as she also had some suggestions on the familial breast cancer worries we are having right now. Then we went in for the ultrasound where we found out we are having another boy. Here is where I am going to start sounding stupid. As soon as the doctor said the words "outdoor plumbing" I started crying. I continued crying for another two hours. I thought I was prepared to find out that it was another boy, and I really thought that I hadn't hoped too hard for a girl, but I was REALLY wrong about that. With my first two, I guess I always told myself well, maybe next time. Only now there is no next time. The realization that I will never have a daughter hit me like a ton of bricks. It makes me cry right now to think of it. There are so many things that I have always dreamed of doing with my little girl, like putting her hair in pigtails, talking about boys, seeing her in her dress at her wedding day, baking Christmas cookies, sharing a pregnancy. Who will I pass my quilts and recipes and jewelry on to? I am just so completely, utterly sad about this that I can't even explain it. I then had this weird dream last night where I was having a miscarriage. In all the mess, I found the body of a baby, dressed in frilly pink girl clothes. I just held her for the longest time, and stroked her hair, and I knew this was all I was going to get of my baby girl. I know that is so morbid, but I think it was my mind's way of dealing with things. I woke up sobbing, and I couldn't go back to sleep. To Jeff's credit, he kept his cool as his crazy hormonal wife cried her way out of the hospital and into the parking lot. He even took me out to lunch. I felt a little better afterwards. We even decided on a middle name, John, after both of his grandfathers. I hope we decide on a first name soon. I so need something like that to help me start bonding with this baby. I feel even more disconnected from it than I did before, and I really need to get into this before too much longer. I am so scared about having two this close together that my thought for a long time has been...if this is a girl, it will all be SOOO worth it. Now what? There is of course, the logical part of my brain that says I have so much to be thankful for. The baby is healthy, we are lucky enough to be able to get pregnant (a little too easily though), and we are so blessed with our wonderful family. I LOVE my Evan and Charlie, and my relationships with them. But sometimes, I guess the heart and feelings rule over the brain.


I called Christi last night to share the news, and it was so nice to tell someone who understood exactly how I felt. Then, this morning, she completely made my day. Christi and Alyssa came to kidnap me and the boys and we escaped to one of my favorite places, Harlan. There is a restaurant there called Mickels (or Wickies, as we call it at my house) that I LOVE. It is adorable...all the decor is yellow, orange, and green from the sixties. The food is unbelievably yummy down home cooking, and this is where we were treated to lunch. I have been craving grease like you wouldn't believe, and so for lunch we had fried cheeseballs, fried chicken, the most amazing hot rolls (also greasy), mashed potatoes and gravy, and salad. Charlie ate his first round of mashed potatoes ever. It took him awhile to get used to it, but then he went to town and ate almost all of one of my scoops. I am so proud he did it at Mickels! Then we headed over to her parent's house, who are the sweetest people. Jeff's dad lives across the street, so we waved to Grandpa John's house. It was actually Charlie's first trip to Harlan, and I am so glad it happened on such a fantastic day. Christi gave me a tour of downtown Harlan, and then we headed home. The drive back was so nice, since all three kids drifted off to sleep, and we got to just relax and talk. When we got back to Omaha, Christi and Alyssa joined us for a trip in the hot tub. It was the most perfect birthday gift slash pick me up. I am feeling lots better and more in perspective about things. I thank my lucky stars all the time that I have a friend like Christi, but especially after times like today. She always knows exactly what to say or do to make something better.

I am kind of considering today my official birthday, as tomorrow my grandma is having her double masectomy surgery. Jeff was a sweetie patutie husband and took the day off of work so that I can spend it at the hospital. What a way to turn 29! This morning I was thinking about everything that has happened to me since my last birthday...got married, had a baby, got pregnant again, got a van, got a new house. One of the most eventful years of my life. Probably THE most eventful. I am hoping for a more peaceful 29, but with three boys to keep up with, my guess is this won't happen.

Bitterly Disapointed

Our trip to Minnesota is coming up in a couple of weeks...and I am so sad about it. I had been looking forward to it so much as a way to spend some uniterrupted time with Jeff (especially before #3 arrives) and as a family. Only...Jeff isn't going. We decided that Jeff should probably save his vacation days for when the baby is born, and for if any of the kids get sick in the fall. (I can't afford to miss any days before the baby is born...literally as it costs me $125 a day to pay the sub). I am so disapointed about the whole thing, but I am trying to put a brave face on it for Evan who is beside himself with excitement. I am also sad, because I think Jeff is happy about it. He is a hermit at heart, and I think he is glad to get us out of the house for a week and be on his own. Which depresses me in several ways-the obvious being that I wish he wanted to be with us more, and also because yet again, he gets alone time, and I am stuck by myself with the kids on vacation. Lovely! I try not to begrudge him the alone time he gets every day, but it is hard. I am even jealous he gets to drive in the car by himself! I don't forsee this happening for me for about the next 18 years or so. I know with finances being what they are, we probably won't be going on another vacation for awhile, so I am so bummed to be taking this last trip without him. It is funny, but sometimes since we've gotten married, I feel more like a single person than when I was single! I guess it's just more obvious to you and feels worse when you have another half, and they are always missing. I guess the other thing is that our 1st wedding anniversary falls in the last part of the trip. We were going to go out and do something special to celebrate while we were up there, and now I won't really see him at all that day. Ugh. I hate thinking about it.

My Mother Rocks

So...Charlie has been pretty grumpy the last week, which is very unlike him, and he hasn't been sleeping very well (also unlike him), and he hasn't been wanting to eat very well. I have been going along for several days assuming that he was teething. He got his first two teeth about a month and a half ago, so this seemed logical, and he was having some of the symptoms. I finally called my Mom to whine to her yesterday afternoon after Charlie had been awake ALL DAY LONG for the third day in a row, refusing to take a nap. I live for my afternoon nap, and not having one for three days was killing me. She said right away, "I think he has an ear infection. You should take him to the doctor right away." So I did late yesterday, and guess what? DOUBLE EAR INFECTIONS!!! How does she know these things? I don't know what I would do without her. Charlie is now on a mega antibiotic, so I am hoping it kicks in fast, before I turn into a zombie from lack of sleep.

Pools

The boys and I went to K-Mart the other day, which is now apparently another name for ghost town. I have never liked this store as it gives me the creeps, and I probably haven't been to one in about 2 years, but they were having a sale on backyard pools so I sucked it up and went in. I have been saving some birthday money from last year for forever in search of something that I could get to share with the family, and specifically the boys. I found one of those easy set pools on sale for about 50% off in their Sunday add, so I had to go. Normally, we go swimming at my parent's house, since it is a chance for me to get out of the house, to have some help with the kids, and to relax in a way I can't at home being the only adult around. But, I thought we would get this for emergencies when we can't get over there, and truthfully I don't know what kind of helacious chaos my life will be next summer (can you tell how excited I am to be the mother of 2 under 2?) So the dimensions on the pool didn't seem overly big at the store. Those of you that know me well are thinking, mmm hmmm, we know about your lack of geometry, math, etc. skills. It turns out that a diameter of 10 feet is a lot bigger than I thought.

Sad News

My family and I received sad news this week...my Grandma Rose (my Mom's mother) was just diagnosed with breast cancer. They have found a tumor in each breast. Grandma Rose is one of my favorite people in the whole world. Both of my grandmothers have been extremely inspirational to me throughout my life. I have been feeling a lot closer to Grandma lately as well, as she has gone through "irish twins" and it has helped me so much to talk to her about things. I think it is even scarier for us because we have already had to watch my mom go through the treatments for this disease, and I think it is worse knowing what is coming. I remember how hard it was for my mom, who was only 51 at the time, and I can't imagine an 85 year old having to endure that.

It has also shaken Sarah and I up a bit, because my mom's doctor told her that this now establishes for us a "family genetic trend/history" for breast cancer. Growing up, I never in a million years thought I would have to think about this. Our chances of getting breast cancer as women who's mother and grandmother have had the disease have now risen to 65%. That blows me away.

So, whatever your religious inclination might be, I would appreciate any thoughts and/or prayers!

My Two Favorite Toddlers

I got to spend time this last weekend with two of my favorite children (other than my own...) Alyssa and my nephew Colin! I was soooo excited on Saturday because I got to babysit Alyssa for a couple of hours while Adam and Christi went out to lunch. I got to see what it is like having another girl around. Alyssa is the most adorable little thing...she didn't make a peep when Christi left, and she was so much fun to play with. She took my hand and would lead me somewhere new when she needed a change of scenery and she called me Dee. I am so glad to be a part of this little ones life. I also got to hang out with my nephew Colin on Sunday night. He just cracks me up. He is talking a mile a minute and has just started putting sentences together. Charlie was in the exersaucer, and I kept putting a couple toys on the ledge for him to play with. Everytime, Colin would come up, take them away and say clear as day "Mine Char Char (what he calls Charlie) Not you!" A little bit of rivalry already! Lucky for Colin, Charlie just laughed at him, since he loves to just look at him. I just love it when they start talking and you find out what they are thinking. I am so excited to see Charlie at this age. It will be so much fun...

Yes, I know...

I should have prefaced my survey of my last entry with "Yes, I KNOW it is supposed to be two words, but..." 1) I am a girl and cannot possibly give just 2 word answers to anything and 2) it's my blog so I should be able to be as wordy as I want, right? I know I just annoyed half the population, so I apologize!

I have just discovered the thing that will make my summer heaven...on Soapnet everyday at 4:00 they show the most WONDERFUL TV show ever made...BEVERLY HILLS 90210!!!!! I have been in withdrawl ever since they took it off FX. I am in paradise!!

About Me...

I got these from my friend Sarah's blog...I don't usually do them, but I am actually sitting alone at the computer tonight, so I thought I would.


Two Word Survey

1. Yourself: Young Mom

2. Your car: Sienna Minivan

3. Your Hair: Very Short! (I just cut it and I LOVE it!)

4. Your mother: One of my best friends

5. Your Father: My hero

6. Your Favorite Item: My Blankie

7. Your Dream Last Night: I can't stay asleep long enough to have a dream (trips to the bathroom...prego bladder)

8. Your Favorite Drink: Coca Cola...leaded, not diet

9. Your Dream Home: a 3 story with the kids bedrooms on the 2nd floor, the entire 3rd floor being a master suite

10. The Room You Are In:Downstairs TV Room

11. Your Pets:a dog named Trudy and a guinea pig named Samson

12. Your fear:BIRD FLU!!

13. Where You Want to be in Ten Years:I want three children who can occupy, feed, and take care of their toileting needs themselves, allowing their mother time to do something by herself. I would even settle for being able to use the bathroom by myself without bringing an infant with me

14. Who you hung out with last nite:my kids

15. What You’re Not:skinny...it is hard for me to believe that this is the same body that was anorexically, skeletally skinny. Now I am just round...everywhere.

16. Your Best Friends:my husband...most of the time...Christi, my sister Sarah, my mom

17. One of Your Wish List Items:A Nanny

18. Your Gender:Female

19. The Last Thing You Did:Water my grass...I can't stand yucky lawns

20. What You Are Wearing:a new sleeveless prego outfit...normally I don't wear sleeveless outfits, but I am beyond caring and just want to be comfortable

21. Your Favorite Weather:Thunderstorms...or temps in the 90s...my kids and I are fish in the summer

22. Your Favorite Book:The Outsiders

23. The Last Thing You Ate:Orange Sherbet

24. Your Life:hectic and kid centered

25. Your mood:anxious

26. The last person you talked to on the phone:my daddy

Ultrasound #1

I got to "see" our new little one for the first time today! The ultrasound was to date the baby, which means take measurements of the baby to establish a more exact due date. I went in expecting to see a "peanut"; the little round blob with a beating heart that doesn't look anything like a baby. Only we saw a baby with arms, legs, ears, and everything else!!!! They are now telling me I am 12 weeks along, and my due date has been moved up to December 10th (Jeff's Dad's birthday). My Aunt Connie's is December 13th, and my Mom's is December 14th, so we are sure to hit somebody's. I am not sure how I feel about all this....I seem to be rushing right along. It was so nice to see the baby though. I felt this instant rush of love and protectiveness, just like I did with my other two, and for the first time I am truly feeling connected to the baby, excited, and happy to welcome it into our family. The heartrate was 168...very girlish...but I am NOT letting myself get my hopes up. Well, not too much anyway.

They are Truly Brothers

I have had the intense priviledge over the past week of watching my two sons become truly brothers. Evan has always been interested in Charlie, but Charlie has just started to be able to interact with him. Usually while we are eating dinner I hold Charlie on my lap, as he likes to be part of the action. The last few days, his whole attention has been focused on Evan, and he has babbled away to him the entire meal in cute baby conversation. He even starts giggling every time Evan smiles at him. If Evan crosses his field of vision, he smiles and laughs at him, and of course, Evan is just tickled. Evan was upset with me last night because I forgot to bring Charlie in to say good night to him and get a kiss. It has just melted my heart! I know we also have arguments and rivalry ahead of us, but what a treat to watch your children form that bond that will hold them close. I remember being so worried when I was pregnant if this baby was the right thing for Evan, and this has really driven it home that it is EXACTLY what Evan needed.

So...shout out to Christi...yes, your relationship with Alyssa might change, but in a good way. And what a blessing for both of you for her to have a whole new person to love the rest of her life. I know you will just melt to pieces when you see this happening with your own. I can't wait to watch!

The Cat's Out of the Bag

I let Evan spill the beans to everyone at school today. My tummy is just getting too noticeable, and I knew people were going to figure it out soon anywyay. Many people have been totally supportive...and some have said things like "Congratulations...I guess!" Now, of course, this is exactly how I truly do feel about the situation, a little duplicitous. However, I can't imagine saying that to someone else. Isn't a baby always a blessing? Yes, I am nervous about the work and time committment etcetera, but I still feel blessed to be having a child.

I went out for the afternoon with my Mom on Saturday. She took me out to lunch and then bought me some maternity clothes at Motherhood. Jeff watched the kiddos while I had a BLESSED afternoon to myself. I felt so much more myself after I had this time alone. It was great to just spend some one on one time with my mom, which we don't get as often anymore with all of these grandkids running around. I am so excited about my new clothes too...I got some fun summer stuff. Thank goodness for Moms!!! There's nobody else who can make you feel better like your Mom, especially when it's a problem that only a mother understands, like being so in need of time for yourself that you feel like you are going crazy sometimes. I love my kids, but sometimes, you just need a break!

I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up!

On Sunday morning, I was in the middle of a cough when I felt a strain in my back. About half an hour later, I was lifting Charlie the 20 lb. 4 month old in his car seat (which probably equals a total of about 30 lbs.) and I heard a POP! in my back. I could barely straighten up after this happened. I have been in intense back pain ever since. I have somehow made it through the last three days of work, because I am out of sick days, and have no desire to pay the substitute $125 out of my own pocket. This included yesterday, when we went on a field trip to Gifford Farm, and walked for what the tour guides told us was a 2 mile tour. I have no idea how I made it through that. I was determined not to miss it, since it is my favorite 1st grade field trip, and I wanted to have that experience with Evan. I finally called the doctor today since it just isn't getting any better, and she said it is because Charlie (who at the time was the gargantuan 10 pound newborn) really stretched out my tummy muscles, and they never had a chance to go back before this one decided to stretch them out some more. She suggested (and I giggle everytime I think of it) wearing a pregnancy support belt, which looks like one of those things that forklift operators wear. I should be in the height of fashion!! But, the pain is severe enough that I am willing to do it. The thought of being able to stand up straight sounds like heaven to me. Not that I am trying to be a martyr (well, not completely anyway) but the sad thing about all of this is that your children never completely realize what you do for them. At least not the boys. Evan and Charlie will never realize the physical effort I put into bringing them into the world. I have a COMPLETE new appreciation for my mother after going through all of this. Especially since three of her children were over 10 pounds. UGH! On a positive note, another teacher at my school who just had a baby the first week in September is also pregnant again, and she has the same due date that I do. Hers will not be as close together as mine of course, but I have someone to go through it with at school, and at least I will not be the sole focus of attention.

My Awesome Dad

My dad sent me this prayer for Mother's Day:

Father of Life,



We thank you for the expectant mother who carries this growing hope
in her life and into our world. Bless her and the living promise of
this child and help her to manage the mix of joys, fears and
anxieties she may have about the time ahead.



As she watches her body change, may she grow in your own loving
kindness and compassion. Let her be inspired by Mary and Joseph who
model a loving family life and give her the courage to guide her
children in a faith-filled life.



Be with her in her gladness these days and deepen her faith, so that
labor might be a time of strength and prayer. Guard the health of
her baby and give her the peace of mind that may so often seem
elusive in this time.



With your grace, she will be ready for the end of this expectant
time and ready to take on the joys and challenges of parenthood.



May she praise you with Mary:

“My soul proclaims the greatness of the Lord and my spirit exalts in
God my savior.”


Isn't he sweet? I am so lucky to have him. It helped to cheer me up to read it, and to know that he is praying for me.

Update

The ride to the doctors today was so sureal. I never thought I would be doing this again so soon. I remember driving for my six week check and thinking, "It's so nice I won't be coming back here all the time!" Wrong! Anyway, the doctor has "guestimated" that I am 10 weeks along already, and has put my temporary due date at...as if things could get any worse....DECEMBER 25TH!!!! What are the statistical chances of that crap? She says my uterus is actually feeling in size that I am 12 weeks or farther, but she thinks it is just because it didn't have a chance to deflate from Charlie completely. She listened with the doplar machine and heard the blood flow already established in the placenta putting me at past 8 weeks, but she couldn't hear the heart beat so I can't yet be 12. This also matches what Jeff and I think may be the possible conception date, so I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. I will be getting an ultrasound on May 30th to get a more specific age for the baby. It was really nice to talk to Cindy my midwife, and Dr. Clemmer the OB. They were both so upbeat and positive about the whole situation that I ended up feeling a lot better about things after I left. (Well, except for the due date of course, that is still ridiculous.) I had about 4 gallons of blood taken, and lots of tests run, so hopefully everything comes out okay.

Nervous Nervous Nervous

I am headed to the ObGyn today at 4:00 to have my initial appointment and hopefully have her sort out this mess and give me a due date. I am really nervous for some reason. I will post more info as we get it. I told my principal and assistant principal about the baby yesterday because I have to get out of a meeting for this appointment. They were really supportive, so that was nice. One hurdle down, a million to go!

Hot Tub Bliss

This weekend Jeff and I continued to unpack. I think we will be doing this for the rest of our lives. We did accomplish one major thing though...we emptied the hot tub, cleaned it out, refilled it, and figured out all of the moomba joomba you have to add to regulate the water. We took our maiden voyage in the tub last night. I think that every married couple should have a hot tub. What a fabulous thing to stick the kids in bed, and leave the world behind for an hour or so. I think there would be a lot less divorce if everyone had one of these!!! We had a great chance to relax, talk, and just be together.

In Charlie news, he has his first two teeth (bottom front) and he has started rolling over. He is changing so fast! I can't believe we are coming up on his 4 month birthday.

Bombshell

"It is a mistake to try to look too far ahead. The chain of destiny can only be grasped one link at a time."
~ Sir Winston Churchill
This is going to be my mantra for my life over the next several years. Jeff and I found out last Tuesday, the day after we closed on the new house mind you, that I am pregnant again. I'll wait a few seconds for everyone to pick themselves up from the floor or to reattach their jaws. We had been shopping for our new fridge on Monday afternoon and I had to go to the bathroom a lot. Jeff said that I was acting pregnant. I of course thought he was crazy, but wanting to put his mind at ease, bought a test the next day, intending to make him feel better and assure him that I wasn't. Only I was. It immediately turned positive. At first, I was completely devastated. Physically and emotionally I didn't feel ready to have another child. I guess I still don't physically. Having a 10 pounder takes it out of you. I hope there are enough nutrients left in this body of mine for the new one. Emotionally, I am feeling better. Jeff and I have decided that this is most assuredly our last one, so I feel better knowing this is the last time (although a bit melancholy about it as well). I love the fact that Charlie will have someone to be close to and to have as a playmate. I know that we will get through that first tough year, and after that I will love it. We will be done with diapers pretty close to the same time, potty train around the same time, etc. Also, I have one more chance for a girl. Not that I'm counting on that one. I am preparing myself to have "my three sons", which would be nice too. I love my boys. So anyway, I guess this blog might become a pretty interesting place as I document the absolute CHAOS at the Micek/Kleffman house.
In other news, Jeff is back from Atlanta (Praise the Lord!!!) I have been missing him oodles. It will be nice to have my own personal space heater back in bed. Has anyone ever noticed the amount of heat that males put off while they are asleep? They are better than electric blankets.

Getting Settled

We are now officially into the new house!! We got everything in, through torrential rain and mud. We have a few spots on the carpet to clean up, but nothing too bad for the amount of moisture we had. We have the living room, kitchen, and kids rooms done (with the exception of pictures on the walls). Jeff and I's room is livable. My project for the rest of the week is to get everything in from the garage and put away, and then we can start on the basement.
I just found out from Adam's blog that Mark is pregnant (well Amy is I guess). Congrats Mark!!! (Even though you didn't tell me).

Chaos Day

It's officially here....moving day! And of course it is supposed to rain Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. The Kleffmans have a tremendous propensity to attract bad luck. My mom and I cleaned the entire house on Wednesday night, and last night we moved in all of the boxes for the kitchen, and have the entire kitchen set up and ready to go. My goal is to have at least the kitchen, bathrooms, and kids rooms mostly put together before Jeff leaves on his business trip on Sunday morning. Wish us luck!!

New Keys

It's officially official! Jeff and I closed on the house yesterday!!! What an experience...writing your name about 20,000 times (yes, Jeff I KNOW I am exagerating). We had an interesting end experience with our lender, Lending Tree. We had been pretty happy with the other people we worked with, and the beginning of the process. Towards the end we were assigned to our loan processor. I don't know if she just started working there or what, but she knew NOTHING! To make a long story short, she tried to over charge us on our final statement by around $3,000. She also forgot to wire the funds to the title office prior to our closing, so it was a bit of a fiasco and we had to wait around a bit, but my awesome accountant husband caught all of her errors, and it turned out okay in the end. (I am hoping Adam that you and Christi chose another company....sorry!!! It had all been good when I talked to you!!!) Anyway, we now have keys, and we take possession tomorrow. The people leaving are having the carpets cleaned by Stanley Steamer for us today so that I don't have to go in tomorrow and do it myself (joy of joys!) My mom and I are heading over tomorrow night to clean cupboards, bathrooms, etc. and then we start moving in clothes and small stuff Thursday night. The CREW comes on Friday, and we do the big stuff then. I can't believe it! To celebrate we bought our new refrigerator, which will be arriving on Saturday. EEEEEEKKK!!!!!

Final Walkthrough

We had our final walk through on the house yesterday evening. The couple we are buying the house from were there when we went through, which at first made me uncomfortable because I didn't want to be turning on and off the lights and running the appliances while they were still there. But it turned out to be a really nice thing. They are a sweet as pie older couple, and the husband, Ron, took us on a tour through the house where he pointed out to us how to work all of the gadgets and appliances, how to change filters here and there, how the new radon mitigation system works, and how to care for the hot tub. He even pointed out features to us that we hadn't noticed initially-like that there is a gas line hook up on the outside of the house right off the deck so that we can hook up a gas grill without ever having to worry about a propane tank!!! Everytime I go through the house I love it more and more. So everything checked out, and we are set to close tomorrow at 12:00. YIKES!! WE ALMOST OWN THE HOUSE FOR REAL!!!!!
We packed like madmen all weekend, and ended up with a house full of chaos and boxes, and super sore muscles and backs. We went out for dinner yesterday at Village Inn just to pretend for an hour we don't live like horses in a barn, and to sit on our butts for a bit. The waiter was kind enough to forget to ring in our order, so we got FREE PIE!!! Which is exactly what I needed to end a heck of a day. I cannot wait until this is done, and I can start putting things away and knowing they will stay there. I cannot wait until I can go in my hot tub with a book and relax. Maybe with a beer even. Who am I kidding? I hate beer. Maybe a wine cooler.

6 Inches

Last night I was mowing the grass, and Jeff's car was over a place I needed to mow by about 6 inches, so I bopped inside and asked if I could borrow his keys to move the car. "I'll do it!" he said. I thought he was just trying to be helpful, so I said, "No big deal. I only need to move it a couple of inches back. I can do it."
Jeff than said, "I like to be the only one to drive my car." Now, I realize that maybe I am being ridiculous about this, but that hurt me a lot in a lot of different ways. 1. It made me think about the van...I had to give up "my" car to buy this. I know it wasn't a lot to look at, but it was my baby. Jeff and I both drive the van, so it isn't just mine to drive. I feel like I had to give up a bit of myself in order to get the mom mobile. I feel like Jeff is saying he has his car and than also the one to share. Maybe this goes deeper than the car. I guess I feel like he has some things/ways that still preserve his independence and seperateness as a person. As the mom, I have had to give up things, time, and experiences to be the nuturer and caregiver in the family. Don't get me wrong, I love doing that most of the time, but I also feel like the core of me, the part that isn't a mom or a wife, the part that is just Christy, is getting chipped away. Jeff can use his car to be his own person, his own space, but I don't have that. I take care of the needs of the kids, of Jeff, and of the family in general. That leaves me with little or no time for my needs, and I guess maybe it is taking it's toll. 2. I guess it also bothered me because we had just talked about me needing to trust in others more (which I admit is VERY hard for me sometimes, and is something I am working at). But at the same time, I can't be trusted to drive the car backwards 6 inches? I know I am not the world's best driver, but I am not THAT bad.
I guess I am just coming to see the thing that I have always heard lots of women talk about, that it is so easy to loose all sight of yourself being the mother, and how dangerous it is. I have felt pretty depressed the last couple of days, and I think this may have something to do with it. If anyone has ideas on how to balance yourself with everything else, I need to hear them!!! I know probably it is my fault as well, but I am not sure how to change things.

Las Vegas

On Friday, my brother Creighton unexpectedly met up with an old girlfriend that he hadn't seen in over a year. This girl was someone he had been very serious with at one point (okay several points) since they were engaged around three times to be married. My family and I all rejoiced when she finally left him for good, since she just seemed to keep hurting him deeply over and over again. She called him Friday morning and asked to see him in the afternoon. Sometime between that and Friday evening, they decided to fly to Las Vegas and get married. My parents got a call from one of his best friends alerting them to this huge mistake about to happen. So, of course, my parents and all of his siblings started barraging him with phone calls until he finally picked up, assumably to tell us to bug off. My dad and sister both talked to him and he seemed to listen. Luckily, because it was a holiday weekend, they couldn't get a flight out of Omaha at such late notice. Somehow between that moment and Sunday, the girl left him yet again. Poor Creighton is now hurting and depressed once again. Anyway, the point of this story is that it gave me a look into my life and what I put my family through with Dan. It is so hard to watch Creighton go through this over and over again and to be so hurt. He is an adult though, and needs to make his own decisions, so we just had to love him and stand by him, ready to support or clean up the pieces. This is the hardest thing ever. As I watched my parents suffer over his decision and knowing that one of their children was hurting, I saw what I must have done to them. Sometimes it is not fun to look into the mirror and see an unfavorable picture of yourself. I hope that Creighton can learn to leave this girl behind and love himself, like I did with Dan. Why is it that people can sometimes have such a maniacal hold over others?

Packing and Awful Discoveries

Ihave always thought that I am a good housekeeper, cleaner, etc. until I began to pack for this move. As I remove things from the walls and discover the FILTH that is currently residing there, and pick knick knacks up to find that an entire universe of dust mites have moved in, I have begun to question my abilities. No wonder both of my children have asthma! They live in a cesspool. I firmly resolve here and now to become much more thorough in our new home.
Here are some pictures of the baptism last week, which I have just gotten around to getting off the camera. The first shows all of the parents and Godparents with the babies. My sister's little girl Brooke was baptized at the same time. Charlie's godparents are Luke and Sarah. The next shows Charlie stuffed like a sausage into his baptismal outfit, which I cruelly made him wear for my own sentimentality. Evan wore this outfit when he was baptized at 3 weeks of age. Charlie was a week from being 3 months old, and 11 pounds heavier than Evan when he wore it. It was only for a couple of hours though, and I did change him at the party. Hopefully this is not something he holds over my head someday in order to push my guilt buttons, because it will work.

Florence Nightengale and the Three Pigs (well...maybe 2)

I have been playing Florence Nightengale for about the last week and a half in our house. The Monday before last, Charlie came down with his first cold. He had a cough (bad enough to loose his voice) and a really stuffy nose. No fun for an infant! Makes it hard to sleep and eat...and then last Thursday night Jeff came down with a fever, chills, a headache, bodyaches, etc. He was MISERABLE until Sunday morning. I quarantined him to the bedroom, and Charlie and I spent the weekend sleeping on the pullout couch downstairs. I REALLY didn't want Charlie to catch it since his baptism was on Sunday. By Sunday morning, Jeff's fever was mostly gone at 100 degrees, so we decided to chance it, and he came along to church for the baptism, which I was really glad about. But, by that afternoon, he had started to loose his voice, had a lot of congestion, and a slightly sore throat. New bug! By about 9:30 that night, his fever was on the way back up too. I took him in to Midwest Minor Medical on Monday night and they gave him an antibiotic and some prescription strength Mucinex. (Keep in mind all this time that Charlie still has his cold as well, and is miserable). Jeff's fever decided to hang around until WEDNESDAY AFTERNOON!!!! He was finally better today, and went back to work. Charlie and I were pretty sick of sleeping downstairs by this point. And now of course, I am sick. I have completely lost my voice and have a lot of congestion. The only one without germs is lucky Evan. Do I sound like I am complaining? I guess I am a bit. It was a yucky week taking care of a sick baby AND a sick husband. At least the baptism went well. I made it through with only a little bit of tears, and had fun at the party afterwards.

I am trying to get a lot of packing done from now until Tuesday, when we are out of school for spring break. I have thrown away so much crap it is amazing. Hopefully we will be mostly done by Tuesday, because we move in 2 weeks from tomorrow!!!

Our Weekend

We had such a nice weekend, I had to share some pictures. The first is of Charlie's first trip in the ever popular exersaucer. He is so into using his little legs right now, and he loves being in there! Christi and I went shopping to the Carter Outlet's Wearhouse Sale and I picked up a few things for the boys. When I got back, the second picture is what I found in the backyard. Jeff was teaching Evan to catch a baseball with a glove. (Which I might add I have been trying to teach Evan for years with no success-it might have SOMETHING to do with the fact I have very little athletic ability). It was such a typical father/son activity, and Evan was positively glowing from the attention that it made me cry, and of course I had to take a picture. The last picture shows my "cool dude" Charlie in his new sunglasses from Carters. Isn't he a doll?

Charlie Update

Charlie is almost 11 weeks now, and he is rapidly approaching the 3 month mark. He has made some remarkable milestones lately, so I thought I would record them for posterity. He has really started smiling socially. When I come to visit him in daycare over my lunch break, he always breaks out in a whole face grin. I LOVE his smile, which involves his whole mouth being open. Sometimes he coos at the same time, which really melts me into a puddle. Sometimes if he even just hears my voice he will break out in his cutie patutie grin. I just love it. He has also discovered the joy of standing up (with assistance of course) and of sitting. If he is laying down for too long a period, or even just reclining in your arms he gets a little fussy because he likes to be up and around. He had his first trip in the exersaucer at daycare the other day, and he LOVED it! You could tell he thought he was big stuff, and he loved being able to stand up and watch the other kids. It is amazing how fast they grow and change! I love every minute of it, but sometimes I wish it wouldn't go so fast.

I am off this weekend to get his baptismal outfit, which I have been putting off. It amazes me that I will have to buy a 9-12 month size for him, since he is my very BIG boy. We are rapidly closing in on 20 pounds. I shudder at the thought of our food bills when this one hits the teenage years!!!

It's a GO!!

Well...it's all set! The Micek-Kleffman family is moving the last weekend in April!!! We close on April 24th, and I can just hardly believe it. I promised more details if it went through...so here are the highlights. Jeff and I have our own master bathroom, which might seem like a no brainer to some, but it is something we've never had!!! It includes two sinks, a jacuzzi tub, and a seperate shower stall. We also have a WALK IN CLOSET!! Right now I have stuff of ours spread through both kid's rooms, and in storage, so I can't even imagine this. The boys have their own seperate bathroom, right next to their bedrooms. There is also a main floor laundry room (something else I can't imagine), right near the kids bedrooms. Downstairs is a 4th bedroom, and what we will be using as a toy room for the kids. There is also a family room, and another area just as big as all that which is unfinished, and completely storage. This boggles my mind since right now all we have is our cubby hole under the stairs. The pictures are of the backyard, the master bedroom, and the great room. Thank you SOOO much for all of your support as I freaked out about this....I am lucky to have such great friends.

Holy Crap

Our offer was accepted yesterday at 7:30!!! It still depends on what we hear back from the bank on our loan finalization, so I am not letting myself jump up and down and turn cartwheels, but it is definitely looking like we will be moving west!! I'll write as soon as I know more, which is hopefully sooner rather than later.... Here is a picture of the outside, and of the kitchen, one of my favorite rooms.