This happens all the time. The following example happened yesterday afternoon in my classroom.
(Teacher makes a statement to the class) Teacher: Tomorrow is field day. Please put on sunscreen before you come to school in the morning.
Immediately, at least 14 hands will shoot into the air.
Student 1: Should we wear sunscreen tomorrow?
Student 2: What kind of sunscreen? Cause we have purple and green bottles at home, and I really like the way the purple one smells.
Student 3: This one time? We went to Florida? And I put on sunscreen there too!
Student 4: I have a dog! He's brown!
Student 5: Mrs. Kleffman? I was thinking about wearing sunscreen tomorrow. Do you think I should?
Student 6: Sunscreen? What's sunscreen?
Student 7: My mom hates sunscreen. Do I still have to wear it?
Multiply this by 45 for additional statement made during the day like "Please get your coat on" and "Where is your homework?", and you will know what a 1st grade classroom sounds like during the day.
This is why I have no patience left when I get home.
Showing posts with label classroom humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label classroom humor. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
Rocks in His Head
Today promised to be a big busy day at school. It was Grandparent's Day, a morning when student's bring their grandparents to school for a special church service and-what else- a rousing round of BINGO! My class had the job of being the service ministers, which means my kiddos sang in the choir, read the readings and intentions, and were greeters. I was scheduled to hostess at the BINGO event, and then in the afternoon I had several meetings lined up. Before school I sent a silent prayer heavenward that everything would go according to schedule. Apparently, God thought that was pretty funny.
Partway through Mass, I saw Charlie's teacher appear at the back of church. She caught my eye up in the choir loft and started trying to mime to me her issue. She pointed to her nose, and then to Charlie's nose, who was holding her hand. I looked down at my devious little tyke, who looked decidedly uncomfortable. I frowned back. "Sinus infection?" I mouthed to her questioningly, all the while thinking, "Why would she come to tell me about boogers during church?" She shook her head, then used sign language to spell the word ROCK. (Teachers have a myriad of ways of communicating in front of, around, and behind children so they won't know what we're talking about-who knew it would come in handy this way!!!) I gasped. Right up there in front of the church, where I was standing with my class in the choir loft. I signed back ROCK- in his NOSE?!!!! She nodded rapidly, pleased I had gotten the message.
Crap, I thought. I hope I didn't say it out loud.
After church, I ran down to daycare where I discovered that while in the library where he was supposed to be listening to the teacher read a book, Charlie instead found a rock and shoved it waaaaay up. The school nurse had taken a look, and could see it, but couldn't get it out.
Long story short, we flew to the doctor, who graciously got us in. Dr. B was just barely able to remove a rather large rock. We were very lucky it wasn't completely stuck, or in his sinus cavitiy. Charlie was traumatized, but at least it's out.
Moral of the story: Next time I will pray for the strength and patience to take my day as it comes, instead of being on schedule. I don't want to leave myself open to any more heavenly practical jokes.
Partway through Mass, I saw Charlie's teacher appear at the back of church. She caught my eye up in the choir loft and started trying to mime to me her issue. She pointed to her nose, and then to Charlie's nose, who was holding her hand. I looked down at my devious little tyke, who looked decidedly uncomfortable. I frowned back. "Sinus infection?" I mouthed to her questioningly, all the while thinking, "Why would she come to tell me about boogers during church?" She shook her head, then used sign language to spell the word ROCK. (Teachers have a myriad of ways of communicating in front of, around, and behind children so they won't know what we're talking about-who knew it would come in handy this way!!!) I gasped. Right up there in front of the church, where I was standing with my class in the choir loft. I signed back ROCK- in his NOSE?!!!! She nodded rapidly, pleased I had gotten the message.
Crap, I thought. I hope I didn't say it out loud.
After church, I ran down to daycare where I discovered that while in the library where he was supposed to be listening to the teacher read a book, Charlie instead found a rock and shoved it waaaaay up. The school nurse had taken a look, and could see it, but couldn't get it out.
Long story short, we flew to the doctor, who graciously got us in. Dr. B was just barely able to remove a rather large rock. We were very lucky it wasn't completely stuck, or in his sinus cavitiy. Charlie was traumatized, but at least it's out.
Moral of the story: Next time I will pray for the strength and patience to take my day as it comes, instead of being on schedule. I don't want to leave myself open to any more heavenly practical jokes.
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Duh
Over the weekend, Jeff was playing around with my new cell phone (It's pink! I love it!) trying to figure out some of the new features. Somehow, without me knowing, he changed the sounds and settings that occur when you get a text message or an email.
Fast forward to Monday morning. I keep my purse in a locked desk drawer at school, that happens to be directly underneath my computer. All throughout the day I kept hearing these beeps and tweets. I could NOT figure out where it was coming from. At first I thought it was the computer, but then it kept happening after I turned the computer off. I hunted all through my desk for a stopwatch or something else that could be tweeting like a bird.
Finally, in desperation, I began to talk to myself. "What in the WORLD is that dumb noise?!"
All 30 of my students turned to me with derision dripping from their eyes and voices, and said almost all in unison "It's your PHONE Mrs. Kleffman. You are getting a TEXT. DUH."
Oh. Right. I knew that.
Fast forward to Monday morning. I keep my purse in a locked desk drawer at school, that happens to be directly underneath my computer. All throughout the day I kept hearing these beeps and tweets. I could NOT figure out where it was coming from. At first I thought it was the computer, but then it kept happening after I turned the computer off. I hunted all through my desk for a stopwatch or something else that could be tweeting like a bird.
Finally, in desperation, I began to talk to myself. "What in the WORLD is that dumb noise?!"
All 30 of my students turned to me with derision dripping from their eyes and voices, and said almost all in unison "It's your PHONE Mrs. Kleffman. You are getting a TEXT. DUH."
Oh. Right. I knew that.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Word Families
Every week my class studies a new word family. For example, last week our word family was -ight, so we studied words like knight, bright, and sight. One of the activities I do with the kids involves making a chart on which we brainstorm and record words that would be in the family of the week, and then we use them to write sentences and to include in our writers workshop writing.
This week's chunk is -uck. I dread this word family. For the past six years of teaching this word family I have been terrified an innocent child will think of THE WORD. You know the one. All the while we brainstorm words and make our chart, this word is screaming through my head and I am fervently praying, "Please don't say it. NOBODY SAY IT!"
And today, for the first time in six years, it happened. Someone gaily offered up the word. The f bomb. And I wanted to melt into the floor. I have thought about how I will handle this for SIX YEARS. Each time I think of another brilliant thing to say. But today? All I came up with, "Sorry! That's not a word."
I didn't wait to see if anyone wanted to argue that point with me. We moved right along to the next activity.
Sometimes I think being a teacher is going to take 20 years off my life! The things they come up with sometimes give me heart attacks!!
This week's chunk is -uck. I dread this word family. For the past six years of teaching this word family I have been terrified an innocent child will think of THE WORD. You know the one. All the while we brainstorm words and make our chart, this word is screaming through my head and I am fervently praying, "Please don't say it. NOBODY SAY IT!"
And today, for the first time in six years, it happened. Someone gaily offered up the word. The f bomb. And I wanted to melt into the floor. I have thought about how I will handle this for SIX YEARS. Each time I think of another brilliant thing to say. But today? All I came up with, "Sorry! That's not a word."
I didn't wait to see if anyone wanted to argue that point with me. We moved right along to the next activity.
Sometimes I think being a teacher is going to take 20 years off my life! The things they come up with sometimes give me heart attacks!!
Thursday, February 05, 2009
Unique Talents
The other day in my classroom we were discussing how God gives each of us special talents. I explained that it is our job to find out how we can use these talents to serve God and to complete the vocation God is calling us to.
Apparently this conversation went right over the heads of some. I asked the kids to brainstorm and share with us some talents that they had. Some answers were great, like being good at math, being able to grow things in a garden, and liking to talk with new people. And then, one little boy raised his hand and said, "My talent is that I can stand four big steps away from the urinal and still get all the pee in!"
I'm not sure how that will help you in any type of vocation, but I could be wrong. You never know.
Apparently this conversation went right over the heads of some. I asked the kids to brainstorm and share with us some talents that they had. Some answers were great, like being good at math, being able to grow things in a garden, and liking to talk with new people. And then, one little boy raised his hand and said, "My talent is that I can stand four big steps away from the urinal and still get all the pee in!"
I'm not sure how that will help you in any type of vocation, but I could be wrong. You never know.
Monday, December 08, 2008
From the Classroom
Every Monday I introduce and practice with my class the new vocabulary words we will work on during the week in reading. One of the activities I use to do this is to have the students record the words in their vocabulary notebooks, where we also draw a picture to remind us of what each word means.
One of our words today was call. We talked about how this could mean to call someone on the telephone. When I went to draw the picture for the students to copy, I automatically (without even thinking about it) drew a phone with a "banana shaped receiver", a long curly cord, and a rotary dial. I guess this is still how I think of a phone. As I stepped away from the board, I noticed that 30 faces were staring curiously at me. I looked back at my Teacher Assistant, and she just shrugged. It looked like a phone to her too.
One little boy called out, "Mrs. K, what IS that?" And it hit me. Phones don't look anything like that anymore. Another little girl raised her hand and said, "We only have cell phones at our house, and they don't look like that. Where are the buttons for texting?"
I just sighed, and had a student draw the picture.
It's official. I am old, and I guess I am to the point where I can say, "When I was kid, we..." Sad, huh?
When I was kid we used phones that connected to the wall. You dialed them instead of pushing buttons. You used them just to call people instead of sending a text message. If you needed to call someone while you were out, you used a pay phone. What changes there have been!
One of our words today was call. We talked about how this could mean to call someone on the telephone. When I went to draw the picture for the students to copy, I automatically (without even thinking about it) drew a phone with a "banana shaped receiver", a long curly cord, and a rotary dial. I guess this is still how I think of a phone. As I stepped away from the board, I noticed that 30 faces were staring curiously at me. I looked back at my Teacher Assistant, and she just shrugged. It looked like a phone to her too.
One little boy called out, "Mrs. K, what IS that?" And it hit me. Phones don't look anything like that anymore. Another little girl raised her hand and said, "We only have cell phones at our house, and they don't look like that. Where are the buttons for texting?"
I just sighed, and had a student draw the picture.
It's official. I am old, and I guess I am to the point where I can say, "When I was kid, we..." Sad, huh?
When I was kid we used phones that connected to the wall. You dialed them instead of pushing buttons. You used them just to call people instead of sending a text message. If you needed to call someone while you were out, you used a pay phone. What changes there have been!
Thursday, November 06, 2008
From the Classroom
Our class journal assignment this morning was:
I like _____ for dinner.
It is good to eat because _____________.
One child's response:
I like Texas Roadhouse for dinner. It is good to eat because they have a penis to eat.
Hmmm. It's a shame then I've never been there before. Do you think Jeff would take me if he knew they serve this entree?
I like _____ for dinner.
It is good to eat because _____________.
One child's response:
I like Texas Roadhouse for dinner. It is good to eat because they have a penis to eat.
Hmmm. It's a shame then I've never been there before. Do you think Jeff would take me if he knew they serve this entree?
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