Oh my lord, what a week!

Here is what I know...I firmly believe that Labor Day should ALWAYS be there waiting for me at the end of the first week of school.  This day off is precisely what my family and I  needed to continue recovering from the whirlwind of last week.

On Monday, Evan began 8th grade:

 Sammy had his first day of Kindergarten:

 And Charlie became a 1st grader!

I am having all of the usual Mommy feelings...I can't believe how grown up they are, I can't believe my baby is in Kindergarten, etc.  My own eighth grade experience doesn't seem all that far away, so how can I possibly have a child in 8th grade?  By the way, I personally felt that 8th grade was the equivalent of torture on so many levels, so I can only hope that Evan's year goes much better than mine did.

This year, Charlie's classroom is to the right of mine, and Sammy's is to my left, so they are very close.  I love that.  I get to see them in the hallways, at the bathroom, in the lunchroom.  It makes the separation easier for me.  I miss them so gosh dang much when we are at school.  And if there's a problem, their teachers know right where to find me!

Charlie was eagerly awaiting the start of school all summer.  He loves learning, reading, working, and homework.  He was so excited for school this week, he had a hard time falling asleep each night.

Evan has had a good week so far, but the homework hasn't really kicked in either.  I am waiting with baited breath in the hopes this is a better year for him.  We had so many troubles in 7th grade that I am often surprised both of us made it through.  I wish there was a wand I could wave that would make school easier.

Sammy isn't sure yet.  He went off to his classroom happily enough each day, but he has reported he doesn't like it that much.  Sammy is my worrier.  He stresses all of the small stuff, and I think that makes change hard.  I am hopeful that as school becomes more of the norm for him, that it gets much easier.

I started my 13th year of teaching on Monday.  I am finding that I have to work hard to change something in the way I teach or in my classroom each year to make it fresh.  I love teaching 1st grade, but I think I have been doing it so long it can almost become drudgery.  I have been working this week to stay positive.  The first weeks of school always feel to me like I have a houseful of house guests.  We are all busy getting to know each other, rules, and routines, and it just isn't comfortable yet, which is tiring in and of itself.  Here's hoping this week will be easier!

Jeff and I continue to explore me staying home next year.   We had the first of many budget meetings last night.  So far, I am loving how this seems to be a great exercise in letting go and trusting God.  We are becoming better at communicating with each other as well.  So, even if this doesn't work out for us, just going through this experiment will bring us many benefits.  I love feeling like Jeff and I are a tight team, with God as our head.  Have I mentioned lately how much I love my husband?  I admire him so much, and I love how hard he works for us.  Really.  I am so lucky to have him.

How is your school year going?  Are your kids back to school yet?

Summer Fun

Really, I don't know if the boys will remember this as the most fun filled summer ever.

That's too bad, as it was also the longest summer break we will probably ever have.  Our school is under construction for the second summer in a row, and as a result, we had an extra three weeks to enjoy ourselves.

We didn't get to take a vacation, as we had to do a majorly expensive roof repair, which meant we missed out on the most looked forward to week of the year.

Instead, we tackled some additional home improvement projects that were long overdue.

We separated Sammy and Charlie, and gave each of them their own rooms.  This meant moving Evan downstairs to the basement guest room, which I think he overall enjoys.  He likes the cooler air (now that it's summer anyway), and he likes the privacy.  It also meant I had to paint Evan's old room and get it ready for Sam.  This about killed me, as it was the first room my Dad painted when we moved in.  He loved Evan so much, and he wanted Evan to be comfortable in his new room, so within a few days it was wearing a fresh coat of paint.  Evan picked out a planets and space border, which my Dad loved, being a space nut himself.  My heart ached as I removed the wallpaper and covered the blue paint with green, and the only way I got through it was by reminding myself that Dad would not want me to stop updating the house.  He was a firm believer in keeping on top of home renovations and painting, and I knew the painting would make him happy.  I also thought about how darn glad I am that I made him teach me how to paint only 3 short years before he died.  It's one of the most practical things he ever taught me.

Next I painted the master bathroom, and added some Uppercase Living accents that have been sitting in my closet for the last two years.  This job has been lingering on my to do list for years simply because I hate painting behind toilets.  Apparently, I am really great at talking myself out of unpleasant tasks.  VERY glad to get this one done.

Evan and I dug out a large area of sod in our backyard, killed a ton of weeds, and planted a perennial garden next to our pool.  We dragged bag after bag of mulch, and carted out load after load of sod, but sadly neither of us gained any arm muscle doing it.  Evan was disgusted at this.  I think he'd like to start looking good for the ladies.

And thanks to my wildly talented and handy brother Creighton, we were able to rip out the COMPLETELY craptastic sliding doors on the top and bottom floors and replace them with french doors that have the blinds between the glass that you can raise and lower with a magnet.  I love, love, love them.  I keep saying on Facebook that I really should have been nicer to Creighton as a kid, and I mean it.  We fought like cats and dogs.  Worse than that.  Once, as my Mom dragged me off the top of him at about the age of 11, she told me I was going to jail if I didn't stop it.  Creighton had an incredible talent of being able to push just the right buttons and annoy the hell out of me.  But now?  That boy takes the best care of me and my family.  When my Dad died, it was as if Creighton emerged from a cocoon.  He blossomed into an adult who is such an kind and caring leader.  He is truly the man and the leader of my family.  My Dad left hard shoes to fill, but Creighton does a good job of it.  I know my Dad has been busting his buttons with pride in Heaven just watching him.  I really feel like he is my older brother now, instead of my baby brother.  He is a blessing.

Which is all a long winded way of saying that instead of a really fun summer, it was a working summer, which is nice in a way too.  I did tell the kids we would try and do some fun stuff around town, so a couple of weeks ago we headed to the Children's Museum.

Our favorite part was the Wizard of Oz exhibit.  The movie has always been a huge favorite with Charlie and Sammy.  They loved sitting in the chair of the Wicked Witch of the West, and pretending to be flying monkeys.

We also really wanted to go to the zoo, but unfortunately we have been living through the hottest summer of our lifetimes (literally).  And it just doesn't sound fun to me to go to the zoo when it is 110 degrees outside.  We may have to move this goal to a weekend in the fall.

We've also been swimming almost every single day, and we've gone on some trips for ice cream and slushies as well.  

Sammy started out the summer knowing only his alphabet and sounds and a few simple words, and now he is already reading at the level of a first grader.  We went out to celebrate with a hot fudge sundae when he learned all of his Kindergarten and 1st grade sight words.  I am not above bribery, apparently.  Also, if I do say so myself, after all these years of practice, I am a kick ass reading teacher.  Want to know my secret for teaching kids sight words?  The good old fashioned Dick and Jane books.  Yep, the ones from the 1950s.  Dick and Jane knew what they were doing.  It works every time!!

Even though our summer was busy and maybe not the most exciting, I have enjoyed spending these days with my kiddos.  Even the days when Charlie's been grumpy, or we've had too many appointments planned.  I am sick to my stomach they will be over all too quickly!

A long time...

Wow.  It's been a long time since I've written in this space.

Last weekend, Sammy, Evan, and I went to a family reunion for my Dad's side of the family.  We had a GREAT time!  I don't get to see my family nearly as often as I would like to, especially my cousins now that we all have families.  While I was there, I talked to one of my favorite people, my Aunt Joyce.  She reminded me to write some new posts here, so here I am!  (Hi Aunt Joyce!!)  It was nice to be reminded by family that people still check in here, and that this is still a good way to keep in touch.

So what's new?

We've had a wonderful summer.  So wonderful in fact it has prompted Jeff and I to consider whether it is time to make some changes in our work situation for our family.  I love my job.  I love teaching.  I have always, ALWAYS felt that I was called by God to be a teacher, and that He gave me certain gifts to help me accomplish a mission he had in mind for me in the classroom.  The hard part of teaching is that it absolutely is NOT a 9-5 job.  I spend hours after work and on the weekends creating learning materials, grading, lesson planning, etc.  This is easier said than done when you have three kids, and you are a wife.  Although I feel that teaching is a calling for me, I also feel that being a wife and a Mom is a God sent calling, one that takes the highest priority.

This summer, as I had time to relax, enjoy my kids, and actually get things done around my house, we came to some conclusions.  The first was that other people's kids always get my best.  That's tough for me to think about.  I want my best to go to my own children, especially when two of my kids are very high needs.  Secondly, I realized that I am never able to do anything really to the best of my ability, because I don't have time.  Being split in so many different directions is not allowing me to get anything done well.  I also discovered how much stress I am carrying around with me during the school year, and how much that is affecting my marriage and my kids.

Sooooo, we have been toying around with the idea of me staying home next year.  I have reservations about both sides of the decision, but I truly feel that we are being called to consider this as the next stage for our family.  If things can come together financially, we will see how it goes.  We are going to be thinking and praying hard about this during the school year.

Evan is getting ready to start his 8th grade year.  Junior high is never a super enjoyable time for anyone, but last year was especially hard for Evan.  As he works through the upper grades, his learning disabilities are really making things awful.  We made the decision that he needs to go to a public high school to receive the appropriate special education help.  It was a hard realization to come to.  I really wanted him to be able to have the private high school experience, but I know in my gut it isn't the right place for him.  Hopefully this year is a bit better.

Charlie is giving me a run for my money.  I love him to pieces, and he can have a heart of gold, but he is also very stubborn and willful.  He is still having massive temper tantrums, and we have been going to therapy for about a year.  I am not seeing any major improvements yet, but they always have good suggestions for us to try, and that gives me hope.  Luckily, he is an angel at school, and he is incredibly smart, so at least part of the parenting job with him is easy.

God bless Sammy.  He is a ray of sunshine in our family.  Always happy, always smiling, always giving hugs.  Hardly ever needs redirection or discipline.  I think God knew I had my hands full and needed a sweet pea.  He is starting Kindergarten in a few weeks, and that makes me sad.  They grow so fast.  As all mothers do, I long for time to slow waaaaaaaaaaaaaay down so I have longer to enjoy my babies and my family.

Jeff and I celebrated 7 years of marriage on July 22nd.  I am crazy in love with that guy.  We get better at marriage every year, and it gets to be more and more fun all the time.  It really surprised me when I got married how much work marriage is.  Work that is worth it, but hard as well.  My parents were so good at marriage they made it look easy.  Maybe someday Jeff and I will give that impression as well.  In the meantime, I am super blessed to have a husband who balances me, believes in me, puts up with me, and supports my dreams.  He was definitely worth the wait!

And me?  I am feeling better about myself than I have in a long time.  Last November, I went to my doctor, very frustrated with how I was getting nowhere with my health goals, despite healthy eating and exercise.  He did a lot of tests, and determined that my weight struggles were related to my issues with insulin resistance.  He put me on a low carb diet, and for the first time in my life, the weight began to melt away.  It was such a relief to begin to see the me I knew was in there in the mirror again.  Since then, I have lost a total of 45 pounds.  I have been feeling so much better physically, I have been able to go back to running in full force.  I've been able to get in a total of 12-15 miles a week, which for me as a busy Mom is GREAT.  My runs are great "me" time, where I can destress, think, and get healthy.  I love looking better and feeling better, but most of all I love feeling more confident about my overall health.  When my Dad died at only 58, my cardiologist told me I was in a very high risk group for also dying early of a heart attack.  I do NOT want to leave my family one minute earlier than I absolutely have to.  I can at least rest easier knowing that I am doing my best to improve my odds.  Thank goodness for my patient doctor who has been willing to do research and stick with me.

Now that it is August, I have been working my tootie off on my classroom.  I am trying to work up some excitement for the coming school year.  That usually comes more for me in October, once the students and I have settled in.  August is a rush to get everything done.  I always wish I could fast forward through the first few weeks.

I know I've said this before, but I am going to try and get back to this space on the web more regularly.  I always feel better when I do.  I am hoping to post some pictures this weekend.

Good Bye 2011

One of my favorite bloggers, Audrey McClelland from Mom Generations, says at the end of the year she likes to look back at three things: health, happiness, and family.  I really like this idea...to me these are some of the most important things in my life, with the addition of faith.

I struggled with my health this year.  In light of my Dad's death at only 58 from genetic heart issues, I am hyper aware of my health.  I know that what I do now can greatly affect how much time I get to spend on earth with my precious family.  My PCOS is getting worse, and I know this can also impact my heart health.  I feel great that my new diet, which is really more of a lifestyle change, is helping this.  I've already lost 10% of my body weight.  I have an appointment scheduled with a new specialist next week, and I going to be picking the brain of a very wise friend who also has PCOS to hopefully get more of my symptoms under control.  It's my goal in 2012 to do everything I can to get healthier.

There isn't a day that goes by that I am not thankful for my family.  We have had our challenges this year with both Evan and Charlie, but Jeff and I took positive steps in helping our children to improve in their academics and their behavior.  It's been hard, but I am so proud of us for working hard on these things.  Parenting...no one can prepare you for how HARD it can be!!  This year, I want to be more purposeful and present in my actions as a Mom.  Too many days I am just trying to get by and get through.  I don't want to waste my time with them.

And my husband...my wonderful husband.  Jeff is the greatest gift I will every receive from the Lord.  Having this man to walk next to in this journey is a blessing I am thankful for EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.  I try not to ever take him for granted.  I fall more in love with him every day I have the honor of being his wife.

Happiness and faith have been so intertwined for me since September 28, 2010, the day my Daddy went to heaven.  In 2011, we continued to heal.  We are learning to be happy again.  But I have learned you never ever stop grieving, and the hole in our family will always be there.  You just learn how to cope with it...which for me is through faith.  It brings me such comfort to know that my Dad's life and death, and how it intertwines with my own, was known by God and in His hands long ago.  It brings me comfort to know that God is working great things in my heart through this experience, and that He has never left my side as we move through this new life without my Dad.  And above all, I take joy in knowing I WILL be with my Dad again, and I want him to be proud of how I carried on and the life I lead after he had to leave.  It's my goal in 2012 to make choices that both my Heavenly Father and my Dad will be proud of.

I'm looking forward to 2012.  I am hoping to have a year of growth.  I want to be a blessing to those around me. 

School Stuff

I have been away from this blog for way too long...but school this is year is making SO.DARN.TIRED!!!

I don't know if it is the added responsibility of having two in school this year, or if I was just way too lazy this summer, but every night has seen me ready for sleep by 9:00.

Charlie, for the most part, is loving Kindergarten.

Here he is with his new teacher this year.  I think he is learning a lot already!  He loves art class, library, and math, but was horrified to discover he has to go to music classes.  After he went to music the first time, he told me "Mom, can you believe this school wants to teach me how to sing?!!"  He is also not a fan of the After School Care program that he goes to for about half an hour after school until I can pick him up.  Hopefully as he gets used to the routine, this will get better.  Evan was a good big brother and went with him to After School Care the whole second week of school just so Charlie could feel more comfortable.  I love it when they love each other!!

My class is awesome this year!  They are already so well behaved and eager to learn that it has been fun to go to work everyday.  I also have a student teacher for the first time, and that has been so much fun!  She is already an outstanding teacher, and I am learning a lot from her.

Evan is not loving Junior High, which makes me sad, but when I think back on it, I don't know many people who do.  I can't think of one person who says "I would do anything to go back to Junior High!"  It is such an awkward stage of life.  I suppose it is something we all just have to get through.  Having him be a grump everyday after school has been a little tiring.

I became an Aunt again this week when my sister had her 4th...little Leo John.  It was exciting to meet him last night.  One of my favorite friends at school had her baby not even 24 hours after my sister, so it has been raining babies this week!  Unfortunately for Jeff, I now have some major baby fever.  Sadly, we are done adding to our family, so I am concentrating on my three awesome boys who keep me hopping...such as when Sammy threw a major fit before school yesterday when he didn't like the clothes I picked out for him for school pictures.  He told me "Mom, you just don't know ANYTHING about good clothes!"  Holy cow!  From my 4 year old BOY!  He is such a fashionista!!  I don't know what we'll do when he has to wear a uniform to school next year!

Sammy's Getting Glasses!

Sammy and Evan have had a busy 2011.  They've been busy making lots of medical bills! :)

In January, you might remember that Sam had his run in with the toybox and got 7 stitches.  In February, we took him to the eye doctor after he failed his eye check at his 4 year check up.  We found out he is slightly near sighted, but more importantly has a rather severe astigmatism, which makes everything extremely blurry for him.  Ever since, we've been trying to get glasses ordered for him.  My adorable Sammy has the BIGGEST blue eyes you've ever seen.  But apparently they are so big it means that we need to have glasses custom made in order to fit his face.  I think we may finally have a pair we can order this week.

Evan, meanwhile, has been making many trips to the orthodontist so that we could have an evaluation done.  We discovered that his bottom jaw is bigger than the top jaw, making it impossible for him to chew on his molars.  As he begins to grow, the problem is going to get worse, and eventually he won't even be able to chew with his front teeth.  The problem is genetic, and we were lucky enough to have the orthodontist tell us it's the worst case he's ever seen.  Awesome!  So for now, Evan is going to have braces put on for the next year to make a temporary fix that will allow him to chew for the next few years.  When he stops growing at 16 or 17, he will need more orthodontics, and jaw surgery where they will remove a significant portion of the jaw bone and reshape his bite.

I don't know how I managed it, but I think I have passed on the absolute worst of my genetics to my poor kiddos.  Thank goodness we live in a time where there are ways to fix and deal with these things!  Now I just have to pray my poor husband doesn't collapse at the thought of all our medical bills :).

And so this is Christmas...

I have been missing my little blog. I didn't mean to neglect it this month, but December? It's been crazy.

I know it's crazy for everybody, and I shouldn't complain. Not all of it has been bad crazy. There have been good moments, like Evan singing in a trio at the 6-8 Christmas concert at school.

Or when Charlie and Sammy sang their preschool Christmas program, and neither were scared to perform. Sammy now loves to walk around the house singing "Up On the Housetop", which is cuter than anything.

Or when my aunts, mom, and sister and I all got together and baked our brains out, and made hundreds of Christmas goodies, all in one day.

Or when I sang with the choir at Mass for my first performance sing my Dad died. Music lifts my spirit, and singing in church makes me feel surrounded by God's love. It's been so very healing.

Or when I got to spend my very favorite three weeks of the year with my class at school. There is nothing more magical than spending time with small children in December. I love my 1st graders. They've helped me to heal too.

Or when I got to go out to dinner with a good friend, and just talk. I love girl time.

There have also been ear aches, sinus infections, bronchitis, and crazy schedules, but I guess in looking back, I notice the good makes up for the crazy.

The good also helps to make up a little bit for the grief. I miss my Dad. SO much. Of course, it is harder around the holidays, but the every day things are so much harder to me. I wanted him to see Evan sing (and I prayed like crazy that he could peek down from heaven and see Evan, so brave up on that stage...and I really think he did). I want to call him on the phone and ask him a question. I want to see him at church. I want to drink coffee with him at breakfast on Sunday. I want to tell him I love him.

I'm getting by. I'm still excited about Christmas, mostly because my kids are excited. I still feel joy and happiness in my life and my family. But December would be so much better with Dad here with me. Maybe that's selfish, because I know how much joy he must be experiencing in heaven. The glory of Christmas in heaven must be incredible! I just wish we had gotten to have a little more time together here on Earth first.

Angst

Conversations with Evan lately take one of two directions.

Conversation One
Me: Evan can you please _____. (Insert household chore here).
Evan: What?! I can't believe you are making me dooooooooo that! You are the meeeeaaaaaanest Mom the whole wooooooooooorld! You just don't understaaaand me!

Conversation Two
Me: Evan can you please ______.
Evan: I can't do anything right! I'm the worst kid ever!
Me: Evan, PLEASE do not talk about yourself that way!
Evan: But I can't even take out the trash right, so I'm not going to.

Ugh. It hurts my heart, to suddenly be constantly at odds with my sweet little boy. We used to be so connected, and so in tune with each other. I hate that we have to go through this stupid teenage angst. And that it started at 11. Don't we have at least two more years to go before the hormones?

I remember having these conversations with my Mom. I remember being a complete, annoying wreck when I was anywhere from 13-20. But, for the life of me, I can't remember why. Why in the world did I feel that way? Why did the world seem out to get me? In particular my parents? I feel like if I could just recapture some of that, maybe I could make this easier on Evan and I.

But maybe too, everyone has to go through this. I just hate it. I want my kid back. I want my relationship with my kid back.

And I wish I could take back every single rotten thing I ever said to my mother as a kid. I get it now, what it did to her, and how it made her feel.

Ugh.

Worried...

I am worried about Evan.

Evan was identified in Kindergarten with a reading disability. Immediately after hearing the news, I was of course concerned, but I also felt that we had an immense amount of time to help him catch up.

Then I blinked, and I was married with two babies. My time after work shrank considerably.

Then I blinked again, and now Evan is suddenly in 5th grade. And that immense amount of time has disappeared.

He makes progress every year, but slow progress. This year after testing we discovered he is two years behind his peers in reading development. Sitting in the meeting, hearing he reads at the level of a 3rd grader, I wanted to vomit. We have had him tutored, he is in special ed classes at school, and we have been doing eye therapy for over a year now, all in an effort to help him become a better reader. And still. So far behind.

As Evan grows up, and begins to look more grown up and act more grown up, I begin to envision his future. How will he ever get through high school like this? Will a private high school even accept him? What about college? You can't go to college if you can't read. How will he support himself? My mother's heart spirals into a cycle of worry when I think about it.

I have tried about every thing I can think of to help him. The only other thing I can think of is having him sit next to Charlie this spring and summer as I teach Charlie to read. Would it help to start from the beginning? The older Evan gets, the harder it is to make him work on these beginning reading tasks, because it makes him feel humiliated.

Panic is starting to set in. I don't know what else to do to help him.

A Prime Example of Why Men Can Be Hard to Live With

Tonight, while sitting next to Evan on the couch, I noticed that his toenails had grown to an amazing length. The following conversation ensued:

Me: Evan, you really need to cut your toenails tonight.

Evan: Can't do that Mom. I need them. They're good tools.

Me: (Very puzzled but trying to keep up) Tools? Give me an example.

Evan: Every night when I'm sweeping the kitchen floor, I use my toenails to scrape stuck pieces of food off the floor so I can sweep the stuck pieces up.

Jeff: (Completely serious) Makes sense to me. Let the kid keep his toenails.

Me: (Speechless) ....

And Now He is Eleven!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful 11 year old Evan!

He turned 11 at exactly 2:13 AM. I told him in his birthday card that his birthday always reminds me of what a gift he is to me.

Eleven years ago, as a newly single woman and a single Mom, I should have been terrified at the prospect of raising a child on my own and having two years of college left to finish on top of it. But instead, I was absolutely IN LOVE with my new little man. He was instantly attached to me, and cried whenever I put him down, even when he was only hours old, so I spent the good majority of those first 6 weeks staring into his beautiful face. Having Evan to fight for made the hard work of those first years worth it. Whenever I felt tired, or like I might not make it to my goal of finishing college, I would just need to look at him to find strength.

And now, when our life is much more stable, I am finding new reasons to look at him and find more strength and patience. I know he is not officially a teenager, but boy howdy does the age of 11 bring hormones, mood swings, and tempers. If I had a dollar for every time the phrase "You just don't love me!" or "You are SOOO not fair Mom!" came out of his mouth, I could retire early. And when I am ready to pull my hair out at the complete craziness of his 'tween logic and view on life, I make myself look into his beautiful brown eyes and remember what a gift he is. And sometimes, when I am really in need of patience, I look into his face and remember the tiny little baby that arrived on October 20, 1998 . I see the little one who brought magic to my heart.

Happy Birthday Evan! I hope the next year goes very slowly, because I am not ready for you to grow up.

Oink Oink!

I knew it was only a matter of time...

My kids are the biggest germ magnets. EVER. As you might remember, we have been to the pediatrician 4 times just this week.

You also might remember we went in on Thursday because everyone had bad coughs, especially Evan, who also had a bad headache, wheezing, body aches, runny nose, and sore throat. At the time, the doctor we saw (not our regular pediatrician, but someone else in the practice) thought it was probably croup.

This morning I found out that one of Evan's best friends at school was diagnosed with H1N1, or Swine Flu. I immediately felt some puzzle pieces falling into place. With the exception of a fever, Evan had all of the symptoms. This afternoon while at the doctor to remove Charlie's stitches, Dr. B confirmed that it is very likely Evan also has H1N1. The good news is that it is a very mild case. So far, Charlie and Sammy are free and clear. I am praying they stay that way.

I am thankful that if we have to deal with it, it isn't a very bad case. Maybe this is even best so Evan can get some immunity, but not any dangerously bad symptoms. The worst part so far has been the cough and lung congestion, which has aggravated his asthma, but which has been controlled through steroids.

Hopefully we will have a relaxing and healing weekend. We're going to try and lay low and drink lots of orange juice.

First Day of School

Today was the first day of 5th grade for this handsome guy:



What amazes me is that when I look into his face, the snippets of his baby and toddler self are slowly melting away, and I can now see glimpses of the man he will become. It makes me proud and heartbroken all at once. Being a mother is super hard, isn't it?

Evan had a great day at school, despite being a nervous wreck before hand, and his dire prediction that his teacher would surely hate him. They weren't given any homework, so this definitely helped cement it as a good first day, in Evan's opinion.

And here is a picture of me on my first day. Evan was tickled to turn the camera on me, and make me go through the dreaded first day of school ritual. I am wearing my rockin' new skirt I ordered on Etsy the other day.



I love how the bright yellow and orange colors make me feel light and cheery. And two of my new students today told me that they knew when to line up because they saw my yellow skirt. I was like a lighthouse beacon, y'all! But best of all, it was super comfy. When you teach primary students and get in and out of tiny chairs and up and down off the floor all day, comfy is essential.

And now that the first day is over, the worst part is over. Now we now a little of what to expect, and hopefully everyone will sleep a little more soundly tonight!

Back to Reality

I can't wait to tell you all about our perfect weekend away in KC, and show you pictures, but unfortunately, I won't get it done as soon as I want to because I was so rudely thrown back into reality upon our return. We started off the day yesterday with a trip to the ENT, where we discovered that the tube in Evan's left ear (which has been there for over 9 years and just won't fall out) needs to be removed surgically because it has caused a tear in the ear drum, and because it is collecting what the doctor referred to as debris, it is causing a dangerous infection. So, on top of the three doctor appointments we already had scheduled for the week, we added a pre-surgery physical by his pediatrician, and surgery this Thursday morning. At least they could get us in quickly so I don't have to take time off of work.

It was a lot easier to do this with Evan back when he was 18 months old, as he was during his last surgery, when he had no concept of what was coming. Now, he wants to know the specifics of IV usage, and how anesthesia works, and if there will be any side effects, and he is a nervous wreck.

And did I mention that my MIL is coming to stay at my house only a few short hours after the surgery? Fab!

We also got school supply shopping out of the way yesterday. Is there anything worse? Mothers and children pushing each other out of the way in the aisles, crowds, long lists, and huge amounts of money to spend. Blah.

Anywho, I hope to get the pictures of our getaway downloaded soon, and maybe between trips to the doctor (we have 2 just today!!) I will get it posted here.

4 Swim Meets Down, 1 to Go

Evan had another meet tonight, and he won another 2nd place finish (in the 25m freestyle). It was at our home club too, which meant that the toddlers could go to the daycare center, and I could watch/cheer in peace from my chair poolside. It really was a nice night. Not too hot, and 2 hours to myself in a beach chair. The whole thing is soooooo much less stressful when I don't have to entertain the little guys for three hours.

The best part? (Besides my kid being a rockin' good swimmer of course!) was that it was the fastest meet in our short swim team history. Even though it started about 8 minutes late due to technical problems with the sound system, we were done at 7:20. AWESOME.

I do like that the little ones are getting to experience watching Evan practice and compete. They are already getting excited for their turn and asking when they can take lessons and swim in a race. Who knows? Maybe we'll become a swim team family!

Random Updates

I haven't been around this here blog for a few days, and it makes me sad. As I sat waiting for Evan to be done at eye therapy this afternoon, I thought about why. And the biggest thing I can come up with is that Evan's schedule is ruling our lives this summer, God bless him. I love the effect that his activities are having on him, but between swimming practice four days a week, a three hour swim meet every Wednesday night, once a week eye therapy at the doctor's office and daily home therapy sessions, Vacation Bible School, and Hummel Day camp-we hardly ever have a day to just putz around. And putzing? It's my favorite summer time activity. And you know what's scary? What will this be like when Charlie and Sammy have things to do too? Will I ever leave the car?!!!

At any rate, here are some random life updates, and I promise to try really hard to be here more often.

After the debacle last week of not finding the pool, Evan attended his second swim meet tonight. He placed second in the 25 meter butterfly, did pretty well with his first attempt at diving off the blocks, and helped his relay team to come in third by catching them up from last place as the final swimmer. Swim meets are something else. The pre-meet practice is from 5:15 to 6:00, with the actual meet taking place from 6:00-8:00 PM. Which makes for almost three hours of sitting in the blistering heat (and here in Omaha it has been close to 100 for the last three days) for the toddlers and I. Today, after only sitting about 15 minutes, Charlie and Sam were completely drenched in sweat and red faced. I starting getting worried about the safety of having two small children in severe heat for 3 hours, so I stripped them down to their shorts minus the undies and put them in the baby pool which was next to the main pool. Other parents soon followed suit with their small fries, and the mothers all stood with their feet immersed in the water as we cheered on our swimmers. I have seriously never sweated so much in my life. It was torturous. I love the boost to Evan's self confidence, the vastly improved swimming skills he is achieving, and watching my kid be a star, but let me be honest. I hate swim meets. Period.

I tried putting Sammy in undies the last three days. He just pees and poops whever he is, and happily goes on about his business with completely disgusting pants. I am giving up for now. He could care less. Yet again, I am stuck in a situation where this is fine with me, and daycare is going to throw a fit when school starts again. Yet another reason I would love to be a SAHM.

Charlie has been throwing huge temper tantrums again the last three weeks. I am at my wits end. I have talked with his pediatrician, and I am following his advice, but I may need an IV of valium to get through this stage. Maybe Super Nanny would take pity on me.

Jeff is back this week after a week long trip last week to Sacramento. Nothing shows just how much I love and appreciate my hubby as a week without him. MAN, I love that guy. SOOOO glad he is back!!

And also? I woke up this morning with a HUGE spider bite-on my rear end! First of all, YUCK to spiders in bed with me! I am completely disgusted by these horrid things. Second, it itches like the dickens, and you know, that's just not a good place to have to scratch. And lastly, it is swollen up to the size of a golf ball. Which makes sitting oh so fun!

And finally, here is a completely random thought. I wish that the micro scrubbing beads that they put in facial cleansers were colored instead of transparent. That way, when it gets in your eye and you are exfoliating your cornea instead of your pores, you could actually see it to remove it. Let's just say my left eye looks like hamburger meat after a bad experience this morning.

I promise to try and be back here more often so I don't have to do any more of these crazy random posts.

Lost

Have I ever told you about how stinkin' awful my sense of direction is? If not, let me sum it up in a nutshell. CLUELESS. Even though I have lived in Omaha all my life, it is still hard for me to find new things on my own the first time. I have to drive somewhere about 10 times before it really sticks in my brain and I can find it again without looking at the directions, especially if it is in an unfamiliar part of the city.

In fact, when I was minoring in Special Education in college, I took some type of a brain typing test, and I came up as learning impaired in the area of spatial sense. I was the special ed kid in special ed.

Thank goodness for me that I live in the age of the computer, internet, and Mapquest. Thank God I can put in an address and have my computer print out driving directions for me. Thanks to this not so little invention, we get most places we need to go without a hitch.

Every once in awhile though-it doesn't work. Unfortunately, tonight that collided with Evan's swim meet. It was located at a country club deep in the heart of old Millard, a place where they laid out the streets in the 1800s while walking behind a wandering cow. Streets disappear, end abruptly into alleyways, and turn suddenly into other roads. We drove and drove and drove for 45 minutes, trying to find a section of the street that was supposed to turn into Harry Anderson Drive, but sadly, old Harry never appeared.

Evan has learned over the past 10 1/2 years to be patient with this, so when I apologized over and over again he just said, "No problem Mom. You tried your best, and nobody's perfect." Gosh he's a great kid.

There's nothing so humbling as looking like a moron in front of your kids. What a gift to be forgiven by your child. I just hope he keeps this trend of forgiveness up as we move into the teen years.

First Movie

We got back a bit ago from taking Charlie and Sammy to their very first movie. Evan earned being able to see a movie for one of his rewards in eye therapy, and I had promised to be the one to take him. I feel badly always asking my mom to babysit, so we bravely set out for the theatre this afternoon with two toddlers in tow.

I took Evan to see his first movie (Monsters Inc) in the theatre when he was Charlie's age (3 1/2) so I felt pretty good about Charlie, but Sammy is such a wild card. At home, he is my patient, loving, and agreeable guy, but get that kid into a public place and you just never know what he is going to come up with. And the hard thing about Charlie and Sammy together lately is that they are TOTALLY at this awful preschool humor stage. Anything from poop to eyeballs can be funny, and they can get each other completely out of control in 3 seconds. Once that happens, they want to wrestle, and then the testosterone starts flowing. Raising one boy is SOOOO much easier than three. Sometimes Evan and I both miss the good old days of just us.

Anywho, we went to see UP! I love Disney/Pixar movies, and this one was great as always. The story line wasn't what I expected, and a little sad in spots, but the humor was great. We laughed all the way through. Luckily, there were only three families in the theatre, including us, which took a lot of the pressure off. We found a row with exactly four seats next to a railing which helped to pen the little guys in place. Charlie and Sammy ended up spending most of the movie in the same seat though, since neither were heavy enough on their own to keep the seat down. I got a jumbo bucket of popcorn for everyone to share, which helped to hold their attention as much as anything. My kids think popcorn is the best treat ever for some reason.

The best part for me, aside from seeing the amazement on their faces when the movie started rolling on the huge screen, was the feeling that just maybe this is starting to get a bit easier. It's so nice to think that maybe the little ones are finally big enough to do some things, and give us an opportunity to relax in public.

A Proud Momma

For many years, when we didn't know that Evan was seeing double all the time, he struggled with sports. He badly wanted to be able to participate, and we kept thinking sports would be good for him, so we signed him up for various sessions of soccer. Each time was a disaster, but it got worse when the other kids started getting better, and Evan could still hardly run. Looking back, it all makes sense now, knowing what we know about his vision. At the time, it was really hard for Evan and his self esteem.

About 2 years ago we signed him up for swimming lessons. He has always loved the water, and I thought it was a good survival skill to have, plus it was a sport activity where no team was involved. He really progressed quickly, which is how we ended up on the swim team this summer. I also believe it is due in no small part to the eye therapy he has been receiving since January. Suddenly he has balance and coordination!

Yesterday was the first swim meet of the season, and let me tell you, Evan and I were both nervous wrecks. He because he didn't know what to expect and because of his previous negative sports experiences, and me because I was so nervous that I had put him into this too early and set him up for more failure.

His first event was the 25 meter backstroke, one of Evan's favorite swimming events. As they lined up at the wall, ready to spring into motion with the blow of the whistle, I was praying like a madwoman. "Please God," I thought, "Just don't let him be last. Fill him arms with speed!" As the whistle sounded, my heart was beating like a steam engine, first with nerves, and then with amazement. Evan flew away from the wall of the pool and started pulling back with long, strong strokes. I looked into my baby's face as he grunted with effort-I could tell he was giving it his all. And I screamed his name as he made it to the end WAY before any of the other kids in his heat. The look of surprise on his face as the judge told him he had won was priceless. From across the pool I saw him point to himself and his lips formed the word "ME?!"

And then I cried. I was proud of him for just trying his best, and getting in that pool when he was scared. I would have been extremely proud of him for just finishing the race. But to win? Awesomeness. His self confidence this morning at swim practice was beautiful to see. It meant so much to him to know it is possible. And I can do this-my hard work WILL pay off. And I am just so thankful. Thankful for this chance for my kiddo to bask in the limelight, if only for a brief moment, for the first time.

He also swam the 25 meter freestyle, where he came in third (we need to work on diving into the water from the starting blocks) and he swam a relay where his team came in second.

My kid can SWIM!!!

Biting the Bullet to Avoid Being a Selfish Mom

Evan's swim instructor suggested to us in December that he join a swim team this summer. Initially, I thought "Awesome! I am so proud of him for working this hard to get there. It will be great for him!"

Not being someone with any type of experience with a swim team, I decided to do a little research. I went to the club the teacher suggested to inquire about price, schedules, etc. And that's when my jaw fell to the ground.

Swim team? It's serious business. They practice four days a week, and there is a meet every Wednesday evening on top of that. The practices will be at least an hour long.

If Evan were still my only child? No problem. If Charlie and Sammy were just a bit older and out of that it is such a pain to take them ANYWHERE stage? No problem. Unfortunately I am the mother of three, two of the them being toddlers who ARE A PAIN TO TAKE ANYWHERE.

So, being the selfish mom I can be at times, I put all thoughts of swim team out of my head, and thought "I'll think about it later." Later is now here. His teacher has been badgering (I mean encouraging) me for three weeks now to sign him up. I am scared spitless of the commitment this will mean for me, the time spent in the car with the toddlers, and the schedule it will make us stick to in my sacred summer time. The time I like to do a whole lot of nothing.

But, I am giving myself a big kick in the pants and telling myself to get over it. I am going to sign him up today, and we're just going to do it. And if I'm not alive to tell about it in August, well, then his swim teacher will be REALLY sorry won't she?!