End of the Year Blues

The end of a school year for a teacher is one of the most stressful times ever. There is an unbelievable amount of paperwork to get done, tons of end of year events, and of course cleaning and taking down your room for the year. I get crabby every time I go through it, but this year I am about to have a breakdown. By the time I get to the end of the day, I am completely worn out and without patience from all the demands at school. The kids are so completely stir crazy with spring end of the year fever, that it takes all of my energy to keep them under control and productive for 7 hours. When I get home at the end of the day, I feel like I have a fireball in my stomach from stress. Evan, Charlie, and Sam are getting the worst of me everyday. I always go home intent on trying really hard to be patient and understanding, but I am not sure I have what it takes to deal with 30 7 year olds all day, and then have two toddlers, a 9 year old who has mounds of homework, and then all of the work associated with running a house. Last night while I was doing the dishes, I was trying really hard to ENJOY doing the dishes, and to remind myself how lucky I am to have a family that I need to wash dishes for. There is a huge part of me though that just wants to SIT DOWN, BY MYSELF, and just BE. From the moment I get home from a full day of work I am still on the run-making dinner, breaking up fights, doing homework, cleaning up dinner, giving baths, doing the laundry. When the kids finally go to bed, then I have MORE SCHOOL WORK!!!! I am never just at rest. My stress level is through the roof. Will this ever get better? Am I cut out for this?

The other dumb thing is that even though I am craving the slow pace of summer life, I am totally scared of having all day long, 5 days a week, of being alone with the kids stretching out endlessly in front of me. I think I would be a terrible stay at home mom. I love my kids. I love that I have kids. I love our family. There just isn't enough of me to go around though. There certainly isn't enough me left for me.