6 Inches

Last night I was mowing the grass, and Jeff's car was over a place I needed to mow by about 6 inches, so I bopped inside and asked if I could borrow his keys to move the car. "I'll do it!" he said. I thought he was just trying to be helpful, so I said, "No big deal. I only need to move it a couple of inches back. I can do it."
Jeff than said, "I like to be the only one to drive my car." Now, I realize that maybe I am being ridiculous about this, but that hurt me a lot in a lot of different ways. 1. It made me think about the van...I had to give up "my" car to buy this. I know it wasn't a lot to look at, but it was my baby. Jeff and I both drive the van, so it isn't just mine to drive. I feel like I had to give up a bit of myself in order to get the mom mobile. I feel like Jeff is saying he has his car and than also the one to share. Maybe this goes deeper than the car. I guess I feel like he has some things/ways that still preserve his independence and seperateness as a person. As the mom, I have had to give up things, time, and experiences to be the nuturer and caregiver in the family. Don't get me wrong, I love doing that most of the time, but I also feel like the core of me, the part that isn't a mom or a wife, the part that is just Christy, is getting chipped away. Jeff can use his car to be his own person, his own space, but I don't have that. I take care of the needs of the kids, of Jeff, and of the family in general. That leaves me with little or no time for my needs, and I guess maybe it is taking it's toll. 2. I guess it also bothered me because we had just talked about me needing to trust in others more (which I admit is VERY hard for me sometimes, and is something I am working at). But at the same time, I can't be trusted to drive the car backwards 6 inches? I know I am not the world's best driver, but I am not THAT bad.
I guess I am just coming to see the thing that I have always heard lots of women talk about, that it is so easy to loose all sight of yourself being the mother, and how dangerous it is. I have felt pretty depressed the last couple of days, and I think this may have something to do with it. If anyone has ideas on how to balance yourself with everything else, I need to hear them!!! I know probably it is my fault as well, but I am not sure how to change things.