Ryan Returns

My cousin Ryan, who has spent the last year in Iraq, made it home safely to his home base in Germany! When we were growing up, he and his brothers Jeremy and Chris were like extra siblings to my sister and I. I haven't seen him in 2 years (last Christmas he was in Iraq, the Christmas before he was training to be in Iraq and they wouldn't let him return home) and I was SOOO excited to hear that he will be back on December 23rd, just in time for Christmas. It is so strange to think about, but since the last time we have seen each other, both of us have gotten married, and I will have added 2 children! He hasn't ever met Charlie. My class wrote letters to him and his wife Ashley while he was away, and we sent him prayer bouquets and gifts. I wish I was at school so that he could make a visit to my kiddos from last year. They loved hearing about the animals he saw in the desert, how his room was like a box of tin, and how there was a Burger Kind and Pizza Hut for the soldiers to visit on base (that also looked like boxes of tin). I wish we were going to have more free time at Christmas that I could spend with them, but alas! The joys of parenthood.

Yesterday's Doctor Appointment

I realize that this whole drama here with the baby and my doctor appoinments is probably not interesting to many people beyond myself, but I feel like my life revolves around the couch and the doctor's office. I went in again yesterday for yet another check. At the very least, this is helping me to become so immune to people seeing me without my pants on that labor should not even phase me.


She checked my cervix, and luckily I hadn't dialated any more past the 5 cm I already was on Friday. This cheered me because I have this vision of myself walking around with such a large hole down there that one day the baby will just fall out on it's own accord. The bladder infection is still raging, so they are concerned about that. They want to get it under control so it doesn't progress into a kidney infection. I am going to go in for an ultrasound on Thursday where they will measure the baby's size and see how he is progressing, and also get an internal view of the cervix. Then I have to go back to the doctor yet again on Friday where she will discuss the results with me. I will get to see if they will let me return to school next week since this Sunday I reach the magic number of 37 weeks pregnant, meaning that Sam is officially a term baby. I will also get to see if they think he is huge like good old Charlie was, and if so, they will induce me some time the week after Thanksgiving. I laughed when she said this, because here I am working so hard to keep this kid inside of me, and now we are talking about making him leave Hotel Christy early! Poor Sam. He never gets to be in control here.


I have felt so blessed to be married to Jeff lately. I can't get out of the couch by myself, I can't do anything involving touching my own feet (like putting on my socks), and it's hard for me to get a lot of things done at home. He has been SOOO helpful and loving about everything. Jeff is really a star during the end of pregnancies and in labor and delivery. He has also been putting up with me as I wig out frequently during the last couple of weeks. I am trying so hard to be excited about this baby coming, and I really am not. I am scared, nervous, anxious, and dreading it, but I just can't get over the fact that I really don't want a baby right now. I feel DISGUSTING saying that, and I know it really bothers others when I do. I have tried talking with my family about this over the last nine months and they just look horrified and then change the subject. I think they assumed (and I did as well) that as I got used to the idea and closer to the event that my feelings would change. They haven't. I know there are so many in the world who would love a child, and it makes me feel guilty to walk around like a baby making machine, and to not even feel excitement about it. Jeff has been awesome, and let me be totally honest about how I feel, and he still likes me anyway. I think I might be horrified myself if he said the same things to me, but he has been so understanding and supportive. I am really praying that once Sam is born, that my maternal instincts will take over, and that God sends me an angel to watch over us (hopefully one with a lot of experience in the motherhood department). I am reading a book right now in which one of the main characters is an English profressor who is teaching Dante's Inferno. She tells the class she thinks that the deepest level of hell is the complete absence of free will, and the inability to have the time or energy or ability to do anything for oneself. I was struck when I read the sentence that this is much like the definition of motherhood. I have found that I am a much better mother to Charlie and Evan when I have some time to myself, when I still feel like I contribute to the world in a way that has nothing to do with me being their mother. This has been difficult to do over the last 10 months with the addition of Charlie, especially over the summer months when it was mostly just me handling everything about the kids. I do manage to find a few moments here and there, but how in the world will I do that once Sam comes? I almost feel like in order to take care of your kids, for about 20 years, a woman's own "self" disappears to care for those around her. Why in the world are men the ones always having mid life crisis? It should be the women. But, maybe we are just zombies and too damn tired to do anything by the time we get to that point. Not that my kids aren't an enormous accomplishment or something that I am not really proud of giving to the world. I am, truly. But I feel like there is more to me than motherhood too, and it is really depressing me right now to know I might have to supress that. On the other hand, I love my kids to death and I feel huge amounts of guilt when I do take too much time away. Jeff had the enormous insight to tell me that I should consider these feelings when I decide about working or staying home with the kids, and I will, but right now I think I am in such a hormone haze I can't make a rational decision to save my life.


Anyway, I am obviously someone with too much time on her hands, as I have been typing for forever. Hopefully no one is too disgusted with me, but if you are, you can join the club. Myself and my family will be there right along with you!

Stupid

During my pregnancies with both Charlie and Sam, I have been a member of Pregnancy Weekly, which includes a website, Mom's group for people delivering in my month, a weekly newsletter, and weekly pregnancy tips. I have always really enjoyed it, and thought the tips and newsletter to be really helpful. Although today I read my Weekly Tip for Week #36, and it was..."For optimal sleeping comfort during these last difficult weeks of pregnancy, avoid sleeping on your belly." What the heck? Are there really some pregnant women out there who can achieve this feat? I haven't been able to sleep on my belly for MONTHS! My head wouldn't even reach the pillow if I tried. I would be like one of those weeble people toys. They must be running out of things to say to me after two years.

Update

I went back in to the doctor on Friday afternoon, because even though the contractions have not been regular since Saturday, on Thursday I began feeling an intense feeling of pressure in my lower pelvis. They discovered that I am now dialated to 5 cm, but the good news is that Sam's head is still very posterior. She did warn me though that once things started they should go extremely fast, and that I need to get to the hospital right away. She stressed carrying a cell phone in case I need to call 911. Gosh, now I feel better! They also discovered that instead of getting better, my bladder infection is getting worse. They changed me to a stronger antibiotic, and added a medication that numbs everything down there ti help with the pain.

I will be continuing to hang out at home next week. I have had so many offers from friends for company, and I feel bad not taking anyone up on it, but I just can't stay awake! Yesterday I slept from 7:30 until 12:30, and only woke up because the doctor called. I had no problems going to sleep that night either, which is crazy. Maybe it is because of the infection. I guess the good thing is that I had my TA send home all of my plans and things with Evan, and I did manage to stay awake long enough to finish all of my maternity plans this week. So at least as far as school is concerened, Sam is allowed to show up.

Evan's First Reconciliation is next weekend, so I am hoping to make it to church for that. He is excited but nervous, and I would hate to not be there with him. We'll see how it goes I guess. I am really ready to have my body back. I am tired of pain and hurting. It is making me so grumpy, and I just feel so sorry for my family. I know I end up taking it out on them, and it's not fair.

Extreme Exhaustion

I know this sounds ridiculous since all I am doing during the day is sitting on the couch making friends with Oprah and Dr. Phil, but I am completely exhausted! I don't remember ever feeling this tired. Today I slept from 7:30 to 10:30AM, and then fell asleep again from 1:30 to 3:30! (And now I am still tired!) I am so excited to see my boys when they come home from school, but after just a couple of hours with them I am ready to be comatose. What in the world is wrong with me?

I guess in some ways this break is a blessing. I can't remember the last time I had hours available to myself during the day to nap. It was certainly pre-Evan! Maybe God is just giving me some time to charge up before the craziness of two babies in one year arrives. It's too bad I can't put all of this me time/free time to some good use other than the TV. I was hoping to catch up on my reading, but that just makes me fall asleep again. I tip my hat to all of those mothers of multiples who are on bed rest for months.

Boredom

I have spent the last two days with my butt on the couch. Normally, this sounds like a very good idea to me...so why am I bored silly? This bed rest thing is not all it's cracked up to be. I did get to watch a very good movie on TV today though. It was called Hoosiers, and it was about a basketball team in the 50's. Normally I can't stand sports, but this was really good. Maybe it's just being surrounded by boys all of the time. I go back to the doctor tomorrow for a check up to make sure I haven't progressed any further, and to monitor Sam and my contractions. I have had my usual heart problems with this pregnancy, and an unfortunate side effect of the medicines that they give you to stop contractions is that they increase your heart rate, so the doctor was reluctant to start me on the pill form after they gave me the shot in the hospital. They should be checking that out tomorrow too. I am anxious to hear what she says. While I am completely ready to not be pregnant for the first time in about 2 years, I want Sam to have as much time as he needs to be healthy in utero. Wish me luck tomorrow!!!

Pre-Term Labor

Jeff and spent a lot of the day today in Labor and Delivery at Lakeside Hospital. For the past two weeks I have had a lot of Braxton-Hicks contractions, but nothing serious. But, at about 8:00 this morning, I noticed that they were pretty strong, (I had to breathe through them)and were coming pretty frequently. I started timing, and they were every 5 minutes on the dot. I walked around the house and did some laundry to see if that would help them stop since they suggested this in our birth class. They just kept right on going through everything, so I called the doctor at 10:00 after two hours of contractions and they sent me to the hospital. They admitted me, gave me IV fluids, and a medication to stop contractions since I am only 35 weeks. I guess 36 is the magic number where they start to feel more comfortable about you being in labor. They spent awhile observing things and checking me for dialation. The medicine helped to stop the cramping I was having, and the contractions aren't regular anymore, but I am still have some REALLY strong ones. This is a completely new experience for me. Usually I am completely overdue or they are inducing me. I've never done anything early before. Pretty stressful. Especially since Charlie is sick...he started having diarrhea and vomitting yesterday. Also, Jeff was supposed to make a long awaited trip to Harlan to visit family today, and my little adventure ruined that plan. Jeff was so awesome. He really is a star in these labor situations. Despite being squeamish about a lot of this stuff, he is such a trooper. There is no one I would rather have at my side during all of this.

They have put me on what the nurse called "Couch Potato Bed Rest". Not strict bed rest, but I am supposed to hang out on the couch for the next few days, and then be checked by my regular doctor early next week. Just what I didn't want to hear when my original goal for today was to get to school and finish my darn maternity leave plans. I am never going to be ready for this baby, and now he has the nerve to come early!!! I guess I am just really going to concentrate on helping Sam get through the next two weeks, and then the goal will be to have him come as he pleases. So Christi...you are officially on Labor Watch!

We are so blessed to have my mom around. She came over and watched the kids today, despite Charlie puking on her yesterday, helped with dinner and laundry, etc. What would I do without her close by?

All prayers and good wishes would be appreciated for our little guy over the next couple of weeks!!

Happy 8th Birthday Evan!

I know that this is such a cliche, but I really did blink and all of a sudden my toddler is and 8 year old wearing deodorant! How did he get to be this big? I don't know if it is the hectic schedule kids have once they hit school age, but I really feel like once Evan entered Kindergarten we have been flying through his life at warp speed. I try so much to stop and treasure little moments with him, but the more people we add to this crazy family, the harder it gets! Maybe that is the difference too...for so long it was just me and Ev, and I could concentrate all of my energy on him.

Anyway, he has a big weekend planned for himself! Today (his actual birthday) we are having what we call a "campout" in our family. Of course, with me as his mother, this does not actually involve sleeping outdoors or bugs of any kind. We set up in the living room with a good movie, some popcorn, and the dog...and we just have fun spending time together. Then we get to have a sleepover in mom and dad's room, which is a treat for Evan. Tomorrow we are having family over to celebrate (not enough energy or funds for a friend party this year!!). The big event there will be that his Grandma Liem and Grandpa Marvin (Dan's parents) will be coming over. Evan has not seen them in 2 years, and he is so excited. I hope that they are too. He is really looking forward to having everyone over and his birthday dinner for which he picked fried chicken, scalloped potatoes, and peas. (That's right! My kid LOVES peas!)

It's nice to end our sad, stressful week on a high note. Charlie stayed home from school again on Tuesday (this time with Jeff) after being diagnosed by the doctor with a sinus infection and bronchitis. They increased his asthma medications, and put him on his third broad spectrum antibiotic in only 6 weeks. We have to give him this special medicine called Culterelle once a day to help prevent cholitis because of this. I guess the antibiotics have killed off all of the good bacteria in his intestines, and he is at risk for bloody diarrhea. Would it be too much to ask for Sam to be born with good health???

On Monday afternoon, we did put Tekla, our sweet dog, to sleep. Trudy's vet provides an awesome service where they will come out to your home to do this, so that the dog can be at home, and comfortable through the whole thing. So, we picked out her favorite spot in the family room, and I held her while she died. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. Afterwards, the vet quietly let himself out of the house, and we were able to have a lot of time with her before we buried her, which helped everyone. I think my parent's were shocked by how much they are grieving. My dad keeps saying he can't believe how much he loved and is missing her. She was such a smart, sweet little girl. We will miss her always.

Then on Wednesday, my dad's Aunt Ceil passed away unexpectedly. She was the closest sibling to my Grandma Sophie, and so close to all of us. My poor father!! It's been a sad week for everyone. So, having Evan's birthday today has been a welcome relief.

It's Just Not Right

I've just finished watching an episode of Sesame Street with Charlie. I have been absent from this show for awhile, but I never thought things could have degraded this much in the 4 years since I have been a regular viewer. Cookie Monster was the star of one of the "skits" and he was eating a bowl of fruit!!! Granted, he did eat a cookie for desert, but really. Does everything have to be so politically correct? I want my good old fashioned Sesame Street from the 70s where it was okay for Bert and Ernie to live together, nobody but Big Bird could see Mr. Snuffleupagus, there was no goofy red monster named Elmo who was checking his email, and Cookie Monster ate COOKIES!!!

Weekend From Hell

I have just had the WORST weekend. It all actually started before the weekend on Thursday afternoon. When I picked up Charlie from daycare, he was pretty congested in his chest, and that night had a pretty scary asthma attack. Since he had no other symptoms, I assumed it was purely his asthma that was bothering him. By Friday morning he was running a low grade temp (not high enough to stay home from daycare) and he had a strange rash on his cheeks. Not seeing anything else wrong with him, I took him to school since I had a conference to attend. My mom was sick and gone from work that day with pink eye, but I told the other workers there that he did have a low grade temp, I showed them the rash, and I said if ANYTHING seems weird, or if his temp goes up, call me and I will come get him. They didn't, but nonetheless by the time I picked him up he had a temp of 101.5. (Made me realize how nice it is to have my mom the nurse there!!!) He proceeded to get worse all day Saturday until 11:00 when we progressed to the "I am so miserable all I can do is scream" stage. His fever was 102, he had thick green snot, his cheeks were so irritated they were bleeding in places, and he had a constant cough that was affecting his asthma. He literally didn't sleep Saturday night, or at all during the day Sunday, which of course means I didn't either. Too top it off, on Sunday I started running a fever too, and today I feel like crap. So Charlie and I are both home from school today (so much for not using up my leave days before Sam is born). The thing that really scares me is I can't get him to drink more than a couple swallows at a time, and yesterday he only had 2 wet diapers. We are going in to the doctor at 1:15. Then, to top of my day, Tekla (my parent's dog) is being put to sleep this afternoon. At least Charlie has finally given in, and is now taking a nap. I think I will go take one too.

Week 30 Appointment

I went in yesterday afternoon for my 30 week appointment. As I was driving home, I was thinking about how much more I wrote about Charlie in my blog when I was pregnant with him, and how I excitedly posted tummy pictures and talked about how excited we were. I decided it was time to stop giving poor Same the short end of the stick. I need to somehow stop being terrified of this poor little boy and get excited, so this blog entry is my first step.

The good news we heard yesterday was that Sam has finally flipped head down after many weeks of standing on my head at night before bed (I swear that neither Charlie or Sam will ever be able to repay me for what I have gone through to bring them into the world!) This is awesome, because it means no c-section for a breach baby (at least for now...his size which is already estimated at 6 1/2 pounds could do the trick later). The bad news is that Sam is so far head down he has already engaged in my pelvis, and his head is pushing on my cervic (Sorry Adam, I know you are blanching and screaming TMI!!) They are worried I am going to start dialating, and they think this is why I have been having so many contractions. She looked at me and said, "Now don't laugh when I tell you this, but you need to be off your feet for at least an hour a day!" At which point I laughed and cried, because a) I teach 30 six year olds on my feet all day long, and b) Charlie my precocious 9 month old is well on his way to taking his first steps. (He is cruising around furniture, loves walker toys, and is trying to stand independently in the middle of the room). I have 9 weeks to go, while putting my feet up? Not likely.

Other than that, everything looks very healthy and is progressing nicely!!! He is a big boy with a heart rate of 133. The wallpaper should be here soon, so I am excited to finish the nursery for my two baby boys.

Baby Progress and Dumb Priests

I have to rant about my church experience on Saturday. I was scheduled to help with Communion on Saturday and Jeff was out of town, so my mom met me at church and watched Charlie while I helped out. They were sitting in the back row, and Charlie had a very small toy that happened to have a VERY quiet rattle in it (actually the indsides of the toy are broken so it is very quiet, but it's his favorite so he can't live without it). He was happy, being quiet, and simply chewing on his toy. As the priest was waiting with the processional to enter church while the announcements were being read, he walked up to my mom, told her to take his toy away, and not let him play with anything during church. A 9 MONTH OLD BABY!!!! WHO WAS SITTING QUIETLY NOT MAKING A SOUND!!! Then, to top it all off, he proceeded to give a sermon on being pro-life, after making a family with a baby feel unwelcome at church!!!! Would Jesus have said that to my mom? I DON'T THINK SO!!! My Mom was livid,and will not be coming back to our parish. I am having second thoughts myself. THIS is why priests should be married, and have kids. They have no idea how to relate, and certainly this one does not know how to create a pro-life atmosphere. GRRRRR.

So, still riding on adrenaline from the previous night, I decided to attack Charlie and Sam's room. I picked out wallpaper, ordered it, and then bought paint. My saint of a dad came over and painted the ceiling and walls for me, and we will put up the wallpaper next weekend when it comes in. Scarily enough, I only have 10 weeks left before Sam is born. I need to start getting to those last minute details. Sadly, the monkeys were discontinued from Charlie's first, very cute room. I am keeping the new theme a secret until it is finished, and then I will post a picture. It is adorable! I can't wait to see the finished product!!!

Warning...Complaints Coming Up

So...I realize I do this a lot in my blog, but today I just can't avoid it. I NEED to complain for a bit. Pregnancy is just driving me nuts. I can't fit into any of my maternity clothes anymore. This would be okay if I could stay at home, but having to work is making life rough. I have exactly 2 pairs of pants that are comfortable and a couple of shirts. I have resorted to wearing Jeff clothes at home, but I don't know what to do the rest of the time. I went searching on Thursday for some bigger things, but nothing is big enough to accomodate Sam. This didn't happen to me with either Evan or Charlie. I am so frustrated sometimes I cry about it. Thursday I tried to just tough it out and wear a pair of khakis that I knew were too tight, but I was in agony by the time 1:00 rolled around. My underwear will NOT stay up, it just rolls right under my tummy. I constantly feel unprofessional and that my clothes are either going to fall right off my body or that I am walking around disgusting people because I look like a stuffed sausage. The big problem is...I HAVE 11 MORE WEEKS TO GO!!!! What in the heck am I going to look like then? I am already starting to retain so much fluid that the skin on my feet is cracking. I cannot possibly make it until December. God Bless Jeff. I am in tears constantly, I am always grumpy, and he is patiently just putting up with me. I also have the nesting thing starting to kick in and I have this contant urge to be close to him. I must drive him stir crazy. He has a trip coming up next weekend and then again on October 2nd, so I am a nervous wreck about him leaving.

My sister and brother-in-law were nice enough to let us borrow one of their cribs, since Colin has been sleeping in a twin bed for about the last two weeks (and the angel child has not tried to get up once! How did they make this kid?) I am so thankful that we won't have to spend the money on a second crib. Anyway, they put it up last weekend in Charlie's room and I hate it. The room is stuffed with furniture. I know it won't be forever, and that things will be better when we can get rid of the changing table and there are just 2 twin beds or even bunk beds, but for now I hate it. It is the perfectionist coming out in me.

I just feel totally out of control. I can barely have a conversation without crying this weekend. I know my mom is worried about me, because I have had to get off the phone with her a couple of times this weekend, because just hearing her voice makes me cry. What is wrong with me? I have a couple of friends I really want to call and talk to this weekend but I am afraid once they say hello I will burst into tears, and they will think a psycho stalker is calling them. My poor family. I know I am driving everyone else nuts, but that just makes it worse!!! HELP! I am stuck in pregnancy insanity land!!!!

Okay...I feel marginally better. Thanks for letting me vent.

Amityville

My favorite horror movie is The Amityville Horror (the original...NOT the remake). The other day when Jeff and I went downstairs to watch TV, we found a scene that was right out of that movie. There is a part where a priest comes to bless the house and a storm of flies surrounds him. Flying around our basement ceiling there were about 30 of them! There is obviously some place that they are getting in down there, but we haven't found it yet. I think with the cold temperatures, they are being driven indoors. I can't stand flies, so my mission for the weekend is to find the hole and caulk it up. Instead of watching the news that day, we spent our time smacking flies. There were so many we had to vacuum the carpet!UGH.

In other news, Charlie's cough and runny nose are back again today. He is pretty fussy, and is just not acting like himself again. He is 10 days into the stronger antibiotic. I am so completely frustrated with this!!! The only good thing is that he got me out of going to a wedding I didn't really want to be at today. I wish I knew what to do to make him healthy!

And the Stress Continues...

We had some bad news today in a couple of different places...

The doctors have now found a mass in my Grandma Rose's spleen. They don't know for sure, but they are assuming it is malignant, and she will be having an operation in the next two weeks to have it removed and tested. If this is something that has spread from one of the other cancers, the outlook is not good. I have this intense fear that she won't make it until Sam is born.

My parents are putting their dog Tekla to sleep next Wednesday. We got Tekla when I was a junior in high school, right when I was going through my anorexia. She would sit next to me with her head on my lap as I would choke down meals after I went into treatment. She grew up with my brothers, and was like an extra sibling. I can't imagine having to say good bye to this dear friend. She is precious to all of us, and while we don't want to see her suffer anymore, I can't stand the thought of her not being at my parent's house.

I am off now to my 28 week appointment. Hopefully we will get better news there. This is my first every 2 weeks appointment. I can't believe I am at that stage of the game! I am SO NOT READY FOR THIS!

Charlie Goes Back to the Doctor-AGAIN!!

Yes, I had to take Charlie back to the pediatrician yesterday, since his nose was still not getting better, even after 8 days of a pretty hefty antibiotic. The doctor gave us a different medicine to try, and said that he wants to recheck him in 14 days. If he isn't without cough and drainage, then he wants to do a sinus x-ray. I had LOADS of sinus problems and operations growing up, so I have a sneaky suspicion that he has inherited it from me. The scary thing was that, when he tested he blood oxygen level it was low, only a 96% (normal people running 99%-100%). He said that this was much to low for a baby, and he put him indefinitely on a once a day lung medicine that he takes through the nebulizer machine to help him maintain a healthy lung function with his asthma. I guess his sinus infection was affecting it and I didn't even realize it, which made me feel stupid since I have asthma and so does Evan. He told me that babies don't always cough or wheeze though when they are having problems...sometimes the only way you can tell is if they are fussy. their lips or finger tips have a bluish tinge, or if their tummy muscles are working extra hard. Yikes! It scares me he was dealing with the effects of low oxygen and I didn't know!!

Jeff Becomes an Old Man

Jeff celebrated the big three oh yesterday, officially stepping into middle age. How the heck did we get to be in our 30s? Don't you all just feel like we just turned 18, just graduated from high school? How can we be 30 when I still don't feel like a grown up yet? Okay, so obviously I am having a harder time with my husband being 30 than he is. It didn't seem to bother him at all, and he seemed to have a really good day! I personally will be freaking out next year as I approach this daunting number. Anyway, we celebrated with nothing big, just Jeff's favorite foods for dinner, and a cool present from me and the boys afterwards. (We gave him an iPod Nano!!!) He seemed to be really impressed and like it, and that is hard to do. He is a tough nut to crack. Hmmm. Now that I read this, maybe we are middle aged. We celebrated both our birthdays and our anniversary with quiet evenings at home with the kids. Yikes! We've lost all our verve!

September 11th

It was a pretty emotional day at school today. We did a lot of different activities to commemorate the events that happened 5 years ago. As I was sitting with my class this morning, listening to a prayer service, I thought about how all of the children I am teaching this year were realliy just babies when it happened, about a year old at the most. 5 years ago I was teaching 3rd grade and I can remember clearly how much the events of September 11th changed those 8 year old's perception of the world. We spent the school year talking through their feelings and helping them make sense of that day and the days that followed. In many ways, I feel closest to that class, my second ever, because we shared so much, and we changed so much together. It made me sad for my students today, that almost their entire lives have been spent in a world with terror threats, pictures of planes flying into buildings, and war in Afghanistan and Iraq. They've really never experienced that feeling of safety (alhough it turned out to be a naive feeling) that we all had before that day. When I was a child, it never would have occurred to me to think that someone could hurt me our my country. My own sons will not know what this is like. Evan was almost three that day, and we happened to be home from school together since he was sick. Even though he was so little, he deeply remembers the day and watching it on TV. I knew as it was happening Evan shouldn't be seeing it, but I couldn't turn the TV off. I just had to know what was going on, everything was so scary. Today as we were driving to school listening to the Today show on the radio, he wanted to know if it could or would happen again. Will our children ever get to feel safe again?


In a totally opposite train of thought...Charlie said his first word yesterday! At dinner he was pigging out on crackers, and he kept screaming every time he wanted another one. I thought, okay! Time to break out the baby sign language. Before I gave him the next cracker, I said more, showed him the sign for more, and helped him to make the sign too. By the fourth try he shocked the heck out of me. He yelled to get my attention, looked straight at me, said "More!" and grinned. Okie dokie! Let's bypass the signing and go straight for the talking! He even said it a few more times, until I had to cut off his cracker supply. GO CHARLIE!!!!

Slow Weekend

We have spent yet another weekend recuperating. Charlie went to the doctor on Wednesday, and was diagnosed with a sinus infection and a staph infection on his cheeks. The antibiotic seems to FINALLY be kicking in today. I am so glad to be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel!! It has been such a long three weeks.


I did get two things accomplished this weekend that make me excited...we bought a freezer which we are keeping in our storage room. I have been wanting one of these for forever so that I can stock up on meat when it is on sale. Also, my sister took Evan to the apple orchard yesterday (one of his favorite activities). She picked up a bushel of apples for me, and today I cored and sliced them (with my rockin' Pampered Chef apple machine!!) and I put them in the freezer to use later for pies, deserts, etc.


I just heard that one of my good friends Katy is pregnant with her first child, due in April. Even though she never reads this, shout out to Katy and Dan!! I am really excited for them!

No Sleep

I was looking back at past entries that I had made in my blog yesterday...and I found one from right after I got married that told how miserable Jeff and I were trying to share a bed. We kept kicking each other, stealing blankets, and getting in the other's way. I didn't think it would ever get better! Fast forward a year, to last night. Jeff didn't go to bed last night until after 1:00 since he took the day off today as an extra day of vacation. I could NOT fall asleep soundly until he was there!! I could only doze on and off, and I kept having these creepy feelings that something was wrong, like someone trying to get into the house or something. I am just pathetic I guess. My first graders are getting the better of me today since I am SOOOOO sleepy!!