Dr. Phil

I was driving Evan to tutoring this morning, when Evan, my sweet little thinker and champion worrier pipes up from the back seat and says, "Mom, I think you need to go and see Dr. Phil." I was thinking about how we were running late for our 10:30 appointment, and noticing that the van desperately needed gas, so I wasn't quite following and said, "None of our doctors are named Phil, Evan. Who do you mean?" And he reminded me, "You know, the doctor on TV who fixes everyone's problems?" So, a little warrily I replied, "Why do you think I need to see Dr. Phil?" He was quiet for a second, so I knew this was something my little guy was thinking about seriously, and he said, "I think he could help you and Jeff fix all of your problems. I'm worried about you arguing all the time." You could have knocked me over with a toothpick at that moment. I really felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. What am I DOING to this poor child? I have the stupid audacity to give him a biological father who is one of the poorest excuses of a human being I have ever encountered. That situation made him go through enough. When I finally bring a father into the house for him, I am dumb enough to let him hear some of the things Jeff and I have been having trouble with lately. I am sooooo disapointed in myself. I know my parents disagreed about things when I was growing up, but only ONE TIME did this occur in front of us kids. I felt so safe and secure in their relationship, their love for each other, and hence, their love for me. I was very concious of this effort on their part as an older teen and young adult, and always told myself that I would do that for my kids. Where is my head? My seven year old does not need to deal with this adult stress. Ugh!


I went to the doctor today for my third appointment. I am 18 weeks this week. I had a lot to tell her while I was there. I have been having terrible migraines, and haven't been able to take my usual Imitrex or Ibuprofen, so she gave a prescription for something safe to take during pregnancy, bless her. I found out my AFP test, which tests for neural tube defects like spina bifida in the baby came back normal. I told her about my extreme exhaustion, which some days has been so much worse than regular pregnancy tiredness that I haven't been able to get out of bed, and I have had to call my mom to help with the kids. They did some extensive tests on my thyroid, so we'll see how those turn out. I also told her how bad my tachycardia (rapid heartrate for no reason) has been the last three weeks. It was so bad this morning before leaving the house that I was almost afraid to drive, because I was dizzy, and feeling terrible. She is sending me to an internist to have some tests done on my heart, and I am under strict orders to take it VERY easy and keep my feet up. Okay....this wasn't too hard to do when I was pregnant with Evan, but now that Evan and 6 month old Charlie are around? Who can put their feet up then? What will I do with 30 kids in my classroom in a couple of weeks? I can just picture myself saying, "Just a minute boys and girls! Mrs. Kleffman needs to put her feet up!" She also told me that I have a heart murmur. This would make sense I guess since both of my boys have one too. She said when I am my normal self, it probably is so slight you can't even detect it, which is why no one has noticed it yet. But when you are pregnant and are pumping around 40% more blood volume than usual, it can make small problems worse. She said many people have heart issues detected in pregnancy for this reason. She isn't sure this is what is causing the tachycardia, but I guess we will find out. The baby is also still measuring 3 weeks farther along than he should, so they told me to expect another BIG boy like Charlie. Sheesh! I sure can grow 'em good, huh!


In Charlie news, he popped out his 3rd tooth today. Top left front tooth. He was chewing on a toy today, and all of a sudden he screamed bloody murder. A little while later, I noticed it had popped through the gums!! He will look so cute with his top front teeth in! I can't wait until it comes further down.