Bitterly Disapointed

Our trip to Minnesota is coming up in a couple of weeks...and I am so sad about it. I had been looking forward to it so much as a way to spend some uniterrupted time with Jeff (especially before #3 arrives) and as a family. Only...Jeff isn't going. We decided that Jeff should probably save his vacation days for when the baby is born, and for if any of the kids get sick in the fall. (I can't afford to miss any days before the baby is born...literally as it costs me $125 a day to pay the sub). I am so disapointed about the whole thing, but I am trying to put a brave face on it for Evan who is beside himself with excitement. I am also sad, because I think Jeff is happy about it. He is a hermit at heart, and I think he is glad to get us out of the house for a week and be on his own. Which depresses me in several ways-the obvious being that I wish he wanted to be with us more, and also because yet again, he gets alone time, and I am stuck by myself with the kids on vacation. Lovely! I try not to begrudge him the alone time he gets every day, but it is hard. I am even jealous he gets to drive in the car by himself! I don't forsee this happening for me for about the next 18 years or so. I know with finances being what they are, we probably won't be going on another vacation for awhile, so I am so bummed to be taking this last trip without him. It is funny, but sometimes since we've gotten married, I feel more like a single person than when I was single! I guess it's just more obvious to you and feels worse when you have another half, and they are always missing. I guess the other thing is that our 1st wedding anniversary falls in the last part of the trip. We were going to go out and do something special to celebrate while we were up there, and now I won't really see him at all that day. Ugh. I hate thinking about it.