Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Spring

I am not usually one who is depressed by winter.  I mean, what teacher doesn't love a good snow day, right?  I don't mind snow much, mostly because I don't often have to drive to work in it.  Instead it usually means cozy days snuggled under blankets, a fire in the fireplace, and baking cookies with my boys.  Most years I don't mind waiting patiently for spring.  As a Nebraskan, this serves me well, as spring can often take it's own sweet time in arriving.

This year feels different.  I am very anxious for warm weather and sunny skies.  The stark snow and barren landscapes of winter have seemed too close to my own emotional outlook this year, and have felt  oppressive.  I think I am hoping that the cheery sound of chirping birds, sunny skies, and warm breezes can help transport me out of this season of grief.

I am learning that grief doesn't go away.  I thought at first it might.  The sharpness of it will dull with time, but it never leaves.  We are all adjusting to our new roles in life, the altered picture of our family.  I don't know if it will ever feel normal, or okay, but it is becoming less "new".  I am learning to deal with it, but it was somewhat of a surprise to me that everyday still brings tears.  Every single day.  I don't know if that will ever change.  And I guess if it doesn't, you just learn to keep going.

I am hoping the arrival of a new season, the season of new life, will help breathe new life into my heart.  I am feeling ready for some happy and some sunshine.  I know my Dad wants that for us to.

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