Saturday, October 09, 2010

Loops

My brain is thinking in loops lately. I find myself having the same thoughts over and over again through the day. What is amazing, is that I can have these thoughts at the same time I am teaching, doing the laundry, or getting the kids in the tub. I can't seem to be fully present in the moment.

My main train of thought is "How can this be?" "How can it be possible my Dad won't come over for dinner ever again? How can it be that someone so healthy isn't with us anymore? How can it be that we just had a funeral for my Dad?" Maybe in thinking this over and over again I am subconsciously trying to accept a reality that just doesn't make any sense at all.

I have also discovered that grief is exhausting. I have never felt so deep down, bone tired before this.

I am just trying to keep putting one foot in front of the other. And the thing that helps me to do that is that I know my Dad is saying prayers for me to have strength to get through the day. I know he is still taking care of me, just in a different way than he did here on Earth.

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