The Nursery

I thought I would post some pictures of our finished nursery for the babies. The theme is frog princes, which I thought was perfect for my little princes!

37 Weeks

I realized that I haven't posted any preggo pictures this time around (actually I haven't taken many this time around) so I thought I would gross all of you out with this doozy! This is me at 37 weeks with my 3rd child (GOSH it feels weird to say that!).

I went back to work for full days on Monday, and immediately regretted the decision. I was okay in the mornings, but by the afternoons I was in so much pain I was ready to perform a c-section on myself with a pair of blunt scissors! Next week I will be doing half days in the mornings, and then the next week is the big day! Unless Sam has other plans. Knowing this may be my last time being pregnant, I thought I would be really sad here at the end, by God is making it easier to give up this state of being by providing me with some EXTREME discomfort.

D-Day

Sorry to bore all of you with the mundane details of my doctor's appointments, but that is really all that is going on in my life, and it is all my hormone overloaded brain can think about.

I went back yet again on Friday to the doctor. It was Evan's worst nightmare come true. Evan came home from school on Thursday with a 102.5 degree fever, and so he had to stay home from school on Friday. I couldn't miss the appointment, so I had to take him with me. He has been to many appointments before to listen to the heartbeat, etc. but he has never been to one (for obvious reasons) where they have had to check out the down below parts. He sat in a chair by my head while all the excitement went on, but I could hear him whispering to himself "I can't BELIEVE this!" I have officially scarred my child for life.

The doctor agreed to let me try work again on Monday and Tuesday (we only have a two day week because of the holiday). If I can handle it, she will let me work the week after Thanksgiving too. At this point, if I go into labor, everythings a go. She did want to schedule an induction early the week after Thanksgiving, but we negotiated, and she let me pick the 6th of December. So if things don't happen on their own before that, the 6tth (St. Nicholas Day) is D-Day. The most important thing that happened though was that I finally got up enough courage to be honest with the doctor and talk to her about post-partum depression. I had what I knew was a bigger dose of the baby blues after Charlie than was normal, but I had felt like it was going away when I got pregnant with Sam. Things went downhill from there. It was really bad over the summer, and it really affected my marriage and my relationship with my kids. I felt a bit better once school started, but things have really been bad again over the last couple of weeks. I mean really bad. I was so embarrassed to admit it to anyone, even the doctor. I was scared too, because it makes me nervous to have anything on my medical records about mental instabililty in case anything ever went wrong with Dan again, but I knew I was at the breaking point. Have you ever read the book The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood? (If not you should, it is EXCELLENT). In it the main character Vivi describes a motherhood mental breakdown, which she calls "dropping her basket". At one point she runs away from her family for several days and dissapears. I was never able to understand this aspect of her character. Then one Saturday a couple of weeks ago, I was running an errand without the kids in the car, and I had the strongest urge to just keep driving, and leave everyone behind. Later in the day, I just lost it for no good reason and was so depressed I can't even describe it. Ironically, one of the first thoughts that popped into my mind was "You're about to drop your basket!" which scared me to death. So, after an honest and supportive discussion with Jeff, I spilled my guts to the doctor in a big tear fest. She thought I was definitely dealing with a moderate case of post-partum depression, and she reccomended treatment immediately, since it would only get worse after Sam is born, which was another of my worries. So, I have just started an anti-depressent. I feel so much better talking to people about it and admitting it here, that I wish I had done it sooner, but hind sight is 20/20 right? I would give anything to feel normal, and get "myself" back, and I am so hopeful that this will work.

Today was also a big day for Evan...he made his First Reconciliation- the first step to making his First Communion in March. He was so excited (and nervous)and I was so proud of him as he completed this sacrament. My little guy is not so little anymore!

My Personality

I got this from Amber's blog...

Apparently I am a Type A personality. Anyone surprised? I didn't think so. For example, as I was having dinner with my parents last night (we were eating pancakes) to tease me my dad said to my mom, "Don't put syrup on your pancakes!!! You have to ask Christy if it's okay first!" I guess I do tend to micromanage.

You Have A Type A Personality

You are hyper, energetic, and always on the mood You tend to succeed at everything you attempt And if you don't succeed at first, you quickly climb your way to the top! You could be called a workaholic, but you also make time for fun As long as it's high energy and competitive, you're interested You have the perfect personality for business and atheltic success

Do You Have a Type A Personality?

Today's Ultrasound

I went in today for what will probably be my last ultrasound with Sam. We found out a couple of interesting things. They measured the amount of amniotic fluid first, and that was all normal. Then they did several measurements of his bones and girth, and after the computer had combined all of these together it predicted that he is currently between 8 and 9 pounds. It also estimated him to be in the 95 percentile for his height. So, for a kid that is only 36 weeks gestation, and theoretically has about 3 weeks left to cook (during which babies typically add a pound a week) it looks like he is WELL on his way to being as big as his brother. This was disapointing to me, not because I will have to push out another big bean, but because I think this means the doctor is going to really want to induce me early. Which I really do not want to do. On the other hand, do I want to deliver an 11 pounder? Not especially. I don't know what to do. I don't know how much choice I will have in the matter. I realized on the way down to the office that I was really hoping someone would say, "Oh! We made a mistake! This one is actually a girl!!" No such luck. Big old boy parts were immediately apparent in a sweep past that area. She also determined that Sam's head is directly on my cervix, which is what is causing things to move along. Externally I am dialated to 5 cm, but internally it is just to 1 cm. Which I guess is good, but then she told me with his head so far down in wouldn't take much. Then the interesting thing happened. She called in one of the doctors in the practice to check over the results. It wasn't my own doctor since I had to go to the office down on 42nd and Farnam. He wanted to check the cervix results again, since that was the main thing they were concerned about. So, while he has the wand stuck up you know where (they couldn't do this part just by waving the wand over my stomach like usual) he strikes up this conversation. He says, "So, I notice from your chart you're a teacher at SVdP. I think you had a Paul ____ in your class a couple of years ago." I did, and so I told him so, all the while thinking, oh no...where is this going? Then he says, "____ and ____, Paul's parents, are our neighbors, and my wife and I's best friends!!! I can't wait to tell them I saw you today!!" Now, it is one thing to have an anonymous guy holding something in your down below parts, but when you find out he is connected to people you work with professionally, it makes you want to gag. I could just imagine him describing the whole situation in detail at dinner. "Hey guys! I checked Christy Kleffman's cervix out the other day!!" This is the really bad part about being a teacher. You run into people EVERYWHERE that you have worked with. I am terrified that one day I will need to go to the ER for emergency surgery and be stark naked when the doctor will say, "Hey guys! This is Mrs. Kleffman my old teacher!!" Ugh.

Ryan Returns

My cousin Ryan, who has spent the last year in Iraq, made it home safely to his home base in Germany! When we were growing up, he and his brothers Jeremy and Chris were like extra siblings to my sister and I. I haven't seen him in 2 years (last Christmas he was in Iraq, the Christmas before he was training to be in Iraq and they wouldn't let him return home) and I was SOOO excited to hear that he will be back on December 23rd, just in time for Christmas. It is so strange to think about, but since the last time we have seen each other, both of us have gotten married, and I will have added 2 children! He hasn't ever met Charlie. My class wrote letters to him and his wife Ashley while he was away, and we sent him prayer bouquets and gifts. I wish I was at school so that he could make a visit to my kiddos from last year. They loved hearing about the animals he saw in the desert, how his room was like a box of tin, and how there was a Burger Kind and Pizza Hut for the soldiers to visit on base (that also looked like boxes of tin). I wish we were going to have more free time at Christmas that I could spend with them, but alas! The joys of parenthood.

Yesterday's Doctor Appointment

I realize that this whole drama here with the baby and my doctor appoinments is probably not interesting to many people beyond myself, but I feel like my life revolves around the couch and the doctor's office. I went in again yesterday for yet another check. At the very least, this is helping me to become so immune to people seeing me without my pants on that labor should not even phase me.


She checked my cervix, and luckily I hadn't dialated any more past the 5 cm I already was on Friday. This cheered me because I have this vision of myself walking around with such a large hole down there that one day the baby will just fall out on it's own accord. The bladder infection is still raging, so they are concerned about that. They want to get it under control so it doesn't progress into a kidney infection. I am going to go in for an ultrasound on Thursday where they will measure the baby's size and see how he is progressing, and also get an internal view of the cervix. Then I have to go back to the doctor yet again on Friday where she will discuss the results with me. I will get to see if they will let me return to school next week since this Sunday I reach the magic number of 37 weeks pregnant, meaning that Sam is officially a term baby. I will also get to see if they think he is huge like good old Charlie was, and if so, they will induce me some time the week after Thanksgiving. I laughed when she said this, because here I am working so hard to keep this kid inside of me, and now we are talking about making him leave Hotel Christy early! Poor Sam. He never gets to be in control here.


I have felt so blessed to be married to Jeff lately. I can't get out of the couch by myself, I can't do anything involving touching my own feet (like putting on my socks), and it's hard for me to get a lot of things done at home. He has been SOOO helpful and loving about everything. Jeff is really a star during the end of pregnancies and in labor and delivery. He has also been putting up with me as I wig out frequently during the last couple of weeks. I am trying so hard to be excited about this baby coming, and I really am not. I am scared, nervous, anxious, and dreading it, but I just can't get over the fact that I really don't want a baby right now. I feel DISGUSTING saying that, and I know it really bothers others when I do. I have tried talking with my family about this over the last nine months and they just look horrified and then change the subject. I think they assumed (and I did as well) that as I got used to the idea and closer to the event that my feelings would change. They haven't. I know there are so many in the world who would love a child, and it makes me feel guilty to walk around like a baby making machine, and to not even feel excitement about it. Jeff has been awesome, and let me be totally honest about how I feel, and he still likes me anyway. I think I might be horrified myself if he said the same things to me, but he has been so understanding and supportive. I am really praying that once Sam is born, that my maternal instincts will take over, and that God sends me an angel to watch over us (hopefully one with a lot of experience in the motherhood department). I am reading a book right now in which one of the main characters is an English profressor who is teaching Dante's Inferno. She tells the class she thinks that the deepest level of hell is the complete absence of free will, and the inability to have the time or energy or ability to do anything for oneself. I was struck when I read the sentence that this is much like the definition of motherhood. I have found that I am a much better mother to Charlie and Evan when I have some time to myself, when I still feel like I contribute to the world in a way that has nothing to do with me being their mother. This has been difficult to do over the last 10 months with the addition of Charlie, especially over the summer months when it was mostly just me handling everything about the kids. I do manage to find a few moments here and there, but how in the world will I do that once Sam comes? I almost feel like in order to take care of your kids, for about 20 years, a woman's own "self" disappears to care for those around her. Why in the world are men the ones always having mid life crisis? It should be the women. But, maybe we are just zombies and too damn tired to do anything by the time we get to that point. Not that my kids aren't an enormous accomplishment or something that I am not really proud of giving to the world. I am, truly. But I feel like there is more to me than motherhood too, and it is really depressing me right now to know I might have to supress that. On the other hand, I love my kids to death and I feel huge amounts of guilt when I do take too much time away. Jeff had the enormous insight to tell me that I should consider these feelings when I decide about working or staying home with the kids, and I will, but right now I think I am in such a hormone haze I can't make a rational decision to save my life.


Anyway, I am obviously someone with too much time on her hands, as I have been typing for forever. Hopefully no one is too disgusted with me, but if you are, you can join the club. Myself and my family will be there right along with you!

Stupid

During my pregnancies with both Charlie and Sam, I have been a member of Pregnancy Weekly, which includes a website, Mom's group for people delivering in my month, a weekly newsletter, and weekly pregnancy tips. I have always really enjoyed it, and thought the tips and newsletter to be really helpful. Although today I read my Weekly Tip for Week #36, and it was..."For optimal sleeping comfort during these last difficult weeks of pregnancy, avoid sleeping on your belly." What the heck? Are there really some pregnant women out there who can achieve this feat? I haven't been able to sleep on my belly for MONTHS! My head wouldn't even reach the pillow if I tried. I would be like one of those weeble people toys. They must be running out of things to say to me after two years.

Update

I went back in to the doctor on Friday afternoon, because even though the contractions have not been regular since Saturday, on Thursday I began feeling an intense feeling of pressure in my lower pelvis. They discovered that I am now dialated to 5 cm, but the good news is that Sam's head is still very posterior. She did warn me though that once things started they should go extremely fast, and that I need to get to the hospital right away. She stressed carrying a cell phone in case I need to call 911. Gosh, now I feel better! They also discovered that instead of getting better, my bladder infection is getting worse. They changed me to a stronger antibiotic, and added a medication that numbs everything down there ti help with the pain.

I will be continuing to hang out at home next week. I have had so many offers from friends for company, and I feel bad not taking anyone up on it, but I just can't stay awake! Yesterday I slept from 7:30 until 12:30, and only woke up because the doctor called. I had no problems going to sleep that night either, which is crazy. Maybe it is because of the infection. I guess the good thing is that I had my TA send home all of my plans and things with Evan, and I did manage to stay awake long enough to finish all of my maternity plans this week. So at least as far as school is concerened, Sam is allowed to show up.

Evan's First Reconciliation is next weekend, so I am hoping to make it to church for that. He is excited but nervous, and I would hate to not be there with him. We'll see how it goes I guess. I am really ready to have my body back. I am tired of pain and hurting. It is making me so grumpy, and I just feel so sorry for my family. I know I end up taking it out on them, and it's not fair.

Extreme Exhaustion

I know this sounds ridiculous since all I am doing during the day is sitting on the couch making friends with Oprah and Dr. Phil, but I am completely exhausted! I don't remember ever feeling this tired. Today I slept from 7:30 to 10:30AM, and then fell asleep again from 1:30 to 3:30! (And now I am still tired!) I am so excited to see my boys when they come home from school, but after just a couple of hours with them I am ready to be comatose. What in the world is wrong with me?

I guess in some ways this break is a blessing. I can't remember the last time I had hours available to myself during the day to nap. It was certainly pre-Evan! Maybe God is just giving me some time to charge up before the craziness of two babies in one year arrives. It's too bad I can't put all of this me time/free time to some good use other than the TV. I was hoping to catch up on my reading, but that just makes me fall asleep again. I tip my hat to all of those mothers of multiples who are on bed rest for months.

Boredom

I have spent the last two days with my butt on the couch. Normally, this sounds like a very good idea to me...so why am I bored silly? This bed rest thing is not all it's cracked up to be. I did get to watch a very good movie on TV today though. It was called Hoosiers, and it was about a basketball team in the 50's. Normally I can't stand sports, but this was really good. Maybe it's just being surrounded by boys all of the time. I go back to the doctor tomorrow for a check up to make sure I haven't progressed any further, and to monitor Sam and my contractions. I have had my usual heart problems with this pregnancy, and an unfortunate side effect of the medicines that they give you to stop contractions is that they increase your heart rate, so the doctor was reluctant to start me on the pill form after they gave me the shot in the hospital. They should be checking that out tomorrow too. I am anxious to hear what she says. While I am completely ready to not be pregnant for the first time in about 2 years, I want Sam to have as much time as he needs to be healthy in utero. Wish me luck tomorrow!!!

Pre-Term Labor

Jeff and spent a lot of the day today in Labor and Delivery at Lakeside Hospital. For the past two weeks I have had a lot of Braxton-Hicks contractions, but nothing serious. But, at about 8:00 this morning, I noticed that they were pretty strong, (I had to breathe through them)and were coming pretty frequently. I started timing, and they were every 5 minutes on the dot. I walked around the house and did some laundry to see if that would help them stop since they suggested this in our birth class. They just kept right on going through everything, so I called the doctor at 10:00 after two hours of contractions and they sent me to the hospital. They admitted me, gave me IV fluids, and a medication to stop contractions since I am only 35 weeks. I guess 36 is the magic number where they start to feel more comfortable about you being in labor. They spent awhile observing things and checking me for dialation. The medicine helped to stop the cramping I was having, and the contractions aren't regular anymore, but I am still have some REALLY strong ones. This is a completely new experience for me. Usually I am completely overdue or they are inducing me. I've never done anything early before. Pretty stressful. Especially since Charlie is sick...he started having diarrhea and vomitting yesterday. Also, Jeff was supposed to make a long awaited trip to Harlan to visit family today, and my little adventure ruined that plan. Jeff was so awesome. He really is a star in these labor situations. Despite being squeamish about a lot of this stuff, he is such a trooper. There is no one I would rather have at my side during all of this.

They have put me on what the nurse called "Couch Potato Bed Rest". Not strict bed rest, but I am supposed to hang out on the couch for the next few days, and then be checked by my regular doctor early next week. Just what I didn't want to hear when my original goal for today was to get to school and finish my darn maternity leave plans. I am never going to be ready for this baby, and now he has the nerve to come early!!! I guess I am just really going to concentrate on helping Sam get through the next two weeks, and then the goal will be to have him come as he pleases. So Christi...you are officially on Labor Watch!

We are so blessed to have my mom around. She came over and watched the kids today, despite Charlie puking on her yesterday, helped with dinner and laundry, etc. What would I do without her close by?

All prayers and good wishes would be appreciated for our little guy over the next couple of weeks!!